‍Response from Bhante Dhammika

Dear xxx, thanks for another interesting question.

To put it simply, the Buddha recognized a difference between physical pain (dropping abrick on my foot), and psychological pain/discomfort (getting angry at my self for being careless).

It is possible to feel the second days, even weeks after feeling the first. Someone who has been physically assaulted can feel anxiety,fear, anger, humiliation, etc. long after they were attacked. The Buddha had a physical body so he could feel physical pain, but because of his spiritual transformation he was free from psychological suffering.

Bhante Dhammika  

Another response from Jayasara

In the Salla sutta (simileof the arrow) the Buddha explains the difference between a regular person and an awakened person. He states that the regular person is hit with the arrow of physical pain and then immediately afterwards is hit with the second arrow of mental pain. The awakened ones are hit with the first arrow of physical pain, but not the second one. Why is that? because they feel it detached, with craving put down, there is no mental suffering.

I am not sure in which story Buddha experiences a painful death, this doesn't seem to be the case at least in the Mahāparinibbānasutta, however the suttas show in a variety of places that awakened beings still have issues with their body, it is old Kamma that they still experience the results of while still in their final body.

The Buddha had various issues with his body such as his back,that he would rest, but there was no attachment or suffering due to it. Angulimala the serial killer turned Buddhist monk, still had to experience the kamma of his past deeds even though he became awakened. All of these experiences by awakened ones are experienced without mental suffering however,they have abandoned suffering and gone beyond it.

With Metta, Bhante Jayasara

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Buddhism and Toxic Relationships. I am just wanting guidance with a relationship (a parent) who has been verbally and emotionally abusive and from whom I have gone no contact. However, I know the focus is on compassion and loving kindness, this though gives me some guilt as I cannot remain healthy mentally and be in contact with this family member. What is the guidance, in Buddhism, as far as distancing yourself from abusive/toxic people?

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Tradition : Tibetan/Mahayana

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Background Information : Still looking for a community, studying Buddhism on my own for a couple of years.

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Response from Ajahn Dhammadharo

Dear xxxx, My first piece of advice is to minimize constant digital communication with the person and replace it with face to face communication if you can - and only when you know you are calm and steady enough to interact with them skillfully. If there are toxins in the air then wait for them to clear a bit by doing nothing at all / avoiding that person fora while though. And then, when the opportunity is forthcoming, have some contact but make sure it’s when you are in the frame of mind where you can do it skillfully.

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The Buddha said that the words we speak should be true,beneficial, but also, well timed. If it isn't the time to act, just allow yourself to have distance and don't engage with them for a while. This is related to the quality of equanimity, which Buddhism also teaches along with friendliness and compassion; it is the ability to be at peace based on the awareness that sometimes we aren't in a position to pro-actively change something, or someone, and that is okay. So we just remain still at a peaceful distance for now.

If we hold to an ideal of always having loving kindness and compassion even with those individuals who make it near impossible then we will get disappointed and confused. But if you can keep in mind that that person is being that way because they themselves are in turmoil it will bring up compassion and that should help calm your mind and relate to them more skillfully. We also have to be honest with ourselves about whether we are contributing some toxins of our own... are we?

Usually we expect others to be fair, do the right thing,treat us better etc. without being 100% honest about our own conduct and whether that is helping or exacerbating the situation. Because after all, "it takes two hands to clap" as one of my teachers always says. The Buddha got free of suffering by looking mainly at his own actions and the results of those rather than other people's. So although it is hard to do, we need to do that too.

I hope this is helpful Aj. Dhammadharo

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‍Response from Robert

Hi, xxx. You ask about rebirth and how it happens. The thing that goes from life to life is the very, very, subtle consciousness - this is what leaves the body at the time of death. This subtle consciousness can be experienced by very advanced meditators, and upon their physical death they can consciously leave their body and take (willingly) whatever rebirth they wish.This is what is meant by conquering death.

For us non-meditators this process also happens to us at death – in fact it’s universal to all sentient beings. The problem is, because we have not studied, nor practiced, nor perfected the Buddha’s teachings, we go to our deaths in a very confused and frightened way because we have no idea what is going to happen – in that context the fear is justified, no doubt about it.

It’s often said that going to sleep is a good analogue for the death process. Slowly losing the sensations in our legs and hands, our body getting colder, we hear less and less the things around us, all senses slowly withdrawing within. Eventually, if you are sharp of mind you will experience a very luminous state of mind, that is the subtle mind, at that point as sleeping person loses consciousness for a moment and then wakes up in the sleep state.At the time of death a very similar thing occurs but in this case the subtle consciousness leaves the body as the karma to remain in that life has literally expired!

Just like in a dream state, a person is 100% conscious of what is going on, they still identify as the person they have made themselves out to be their whole life, job, family, jealousy, fear, anger, killing, etc,etc, all those things that we hold to be real and vivid, all those mental conditions are still with us, why? Because we carry them within our mind – we empower them with life and force, and that is what we take with us upon death.

However, it is only after we have died that the penny drop sand we realise that none of those things have prepared us for our death and the transition that follows after death. So, our actions, i.e., karma, determine what will happen to us after we leave this body behind.

Religion is a preparation for death, a happy death. There are three things we know about death,

(1) death is certain,

(2) the time of death is uncertain,

(3) the only things that we can take with us at the time of death, that can help us, is our Dharma practice. So, the more we take the Buddhadharma into our heart the happier we will be, people like that look forward to death, they have no regrets, and they have nothing to keep them bound to samsara anymore.

There is a saying, “birds of a feather flock together.” Meaning, like-minded people, or things, come together, and in a similar way this is what happens in samsara – those who have caused trouble for themselves and others they will find themselves being reborn in a place that best represents their state of mind and karmic actions.

You can see this here in the community you live in – you don’t have to look far, some people are smart and others aren’t, some people are attractive others not so much, other’s live in very expensive houses and yet other people live in cardboard boxes in the park. Some people naturally make other people laugh and be happy, others only bring pessimism, argument,and gloom. Choosing what kind of person you wish to be, i.e., using this precious life to its full capacity, will determine what happens next, everyone has that option but very few people have the opportunity to actually do something about it.

I hope you are one of the lucky ones in this regard.

Yours in the Buddhadharma, Robert

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Response From Bhante Dhammika

Dear xxx, thanks for the question. There is no way of knowing how many lifetimes it takes from when one starts practicing the Dhamma to realize Awakening (bodhi), unless you have a vivid memory of your previous lives, which most people do not have.

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However, according to the tradition, it took the person who became the Buddha many lifetimes to do this, simply because there was no Dhamma during those many lives; he had to work it out entirely by himself. For us it is different because the Dhamma is available today. One other thing; becoming Awakened does not depend on good deeds. ‍

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While virtue is an important foundation for the spiritual quest it does not necessarily lead to the highest attainment – what is requited is wisdom, i.e. understanding the nature of reality.

Kind regards,

Bhante Dhammika

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What are the most central scriptures of Buddhism? Background Information : Salam I am trying to source a collection of the holy books of several religions to give to my nephew when he turns seven in April next year.

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I have started by finding copies of: 1. A Hebrew-English Trans linear of the Jewish Tanakh (The Old Testament). 2. An Ancient Greek-English Trans linear of the Christian Gospels (The New Testament). 3. An Arabic-English Transliteration of the Quran. 4. An English Translation of the Islamic Sahih Al Bukhari. 5. An English Translation of the Bahia Kitab-i-Aqdas. 6.An English Translation of the Taoist Tao Te Ching. 7.An English Translation of the Hindu Bhagavad Gita. 8. An English Translation of the Hindu Vedas. 9. An English Translation of the Jaina Sutras.

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I am however finding it difficult to work out what Buddhist scriptures are most central and when I search for "the Tripitaka" on both Google and Amazon it returns a list of seemingly random Buddhist titles. Can someone from your organisation please help me identify the books they would consider most appropriate to add to that list? I would appreciate it. Best regards xx

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Response from Ayya Jitindriya:

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What an amazing gift you are giving your young nephew! The Buddhist Canon is a very large collection of writings, which is why it is contained across several books. In addition, there are often a few different translations of some of the most central of these books, and then, many commentaries written on them.

You may get several recommendations from the panel here, however, my recommendation for the books that might be considered the most essential from the Buddhist Canon, and that, together, give a broad and comprehensive view of the Buddha's teaching would be:

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1. The Sutta Nipata
2. The Dhammapada
3. The Majjima Nikaya

(these books are in English translation from the Pali Canon).

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The Sutta Nipata and Dhammapada are quite small books but contain some of the earliest teachings of the Buddha, in verse and prose, and are considered classics. While the Dhammapada is easily available, a good translation of the Sutta Nipata is not so easy to find, thus what you do find is somewhat more expensive, but worthwhile.

The Majjima Nikaya is a much larger volume; however, it contains a good representation of all the key teachings of the Buddha, in longer form discourses, than the other two small books.

If you can get all three books, that's great. If you can only get one or two, it's a hard choice, but given it's for a 7-year-old, perhaps the Sutta Nipata (recommended translation by H. Saddhatissa), or, if not possible, the Dhammapada, would give an easy-to-read and good representation of some of the early texts of the Buddha's dispensation.

For your convenience, I have included some links here so you can see and read about these three books for yourself:

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- The Sutta Nipata: (https://www.thenile.com.au/books/h-saddhatissa/the-sutta-nipata/9780700701810?gad_source=4&gclid=Cj0KCQiAgqGrBhDtARIsAM5s0_lTqivhiGcBwvulQb4tTxAOIurDXJVAJydntpmFgZ8MwL41wiQc9TMaAnYaEALw_wcBThe Dhammapada )

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- The Dhammapada: The Buddha's Path of Wisdom

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- The Middle Length Sayings: A Translation of the Majjhima Nikaya: New Translation

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I hope this helps somewhat in your endeavour.

With kind regards,
Ayya Jitindriya.

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Response from Bhante Dhammika:‍

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Dear xxx,

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The Buddha’s sayings and sermons were orally transmitted for several centuries and so were edited in ways that made it easier to be remembered. Consequently, they include a large number of repetitions which can make for tedious reading. They can also be very long, e.g., 10, 20, or more pages.

Further, they tend to be more philosophical than say the suras in the Koran (each of them rather short) or the sayings of Jesus in the Bible (short, memorable, and straightforward).

Therefore, before launching straight into the scriptures and perhaps struggling to understand them, I would recommend books that have a selection of the best, easily digestible parts of the Buddha’s words.

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You’ll find these two books a much easier and more accessible read:

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- In the Buddha’s Words

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- The Buddha's Teachings on Social and Communal Harmony

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Both are by Bhikkhu Bodhi and contain a good representative of what the Buddha taught in a readable form.

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Kind regards,
Bhante Dhammika.

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Ayya Suvira: ‍

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Here, I want to focus on how Buddhism can help give us tools for decision making. I can’t tell you exactly whether you should or should not do something. If you need specific advice for your particular situation then there may be other services which you can access for support, or good friends you can talk to.

There are actually many, many tools that Buddhism offers to give power back to you in the decision making process.

One way to think about Buddhist ethics is in terms of narrative. Quite often it’s not that something is right or wrong in the abstract as much as that we have to live with the individual, situational consequences that we experience as a result of the decision. I.e., is the decision right for you, in that particular circumstance, at that particular time? (situational decision making).

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Thinking this way gives us a chance to “try on” different options. You are free to imagine what life might look like if you chose to step back…one option might just be to take some quiet time and visualize the emotions and consequences that would happen as a result. You could also take a turn at “trying on” what life might look like if you didn’t step back. Buddhism doesn’t say that one way is right or wrong, just that choices have consequences. My experienced teachers (20+ years experience in Buddhist counselling) recommend “feeling it out”…i.e. recognising that our gut instinct has a lot to offer us in finding a choice that is emotionally correct for us. Is there a choice that just “feels better” when you visualize the potential outcomes?

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Buddhism also has a concept of “agati”. These are the wrong reasons for making a decision (craving, aversion, delusion, fear).  If you could take the worry out of the decision, would there be an ideal outcome?

Decision making is a funny thing… sometimes we’re not even clear to ourselves about why we have made a particular choice, or at what exact point in time a decision occurred. Because of this opaqueness, a process of uncertainty about what to do is actually a normal part of decision making. It’s ok to “still be making a decision”. It might be that in your heart (i.e. the subconscious), you already know what needs to happen, but that decision is just still coming to the surface of conscious-level processing. It’s normal.‍

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Bhante Dhammika:

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You have described a rather complicated situation and I’m not sure I can give you a definite cut-and-dried answer. But the situation you describe is like a lot of things life can throw at us.

Religions, self-help gurus, counsellors,  etc. are often ready with good solutions to common problems but as I just said, we sometimes face situations that are complex and seemingly unsolvable. It may even be that not all problems have a solution; and there is no law in the universe that says there should be. Sometimes the only thing we can do is wait them out and hope for the best. But I can suggest one other thing that might help and which pertains to the Dhamma. It usually happens that we confront problems psychologically unprepared. In a sense, Buddhist practice can be seen as preparing oneself now for a problem that might arise in the future.

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This is what meditation is about (mindfulness of breathing and Metta meditation in particular) –  helping us build up calm, clarity and kindness now, so that we are more able to address whatever may ambush us further down the road tomorrow. Practicing now so that we are better able to see a situation clearly, have the best possible reaction to it, and emerge from it without  too many scars is, I think, one thing we can do. If I understand you correctly, you are in the midst of a difficult situation and if so my words may not be much help to you. But after it’s behind you, and I hope you see your way through them, they may be of use to you.

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‍Response from Ayya Jitindriya:

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Dear xxx,

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You are not alone in your experience. This is generally the way things happen when developing a meditation practice.

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The practice part is to keep waking up to what is actually happening, so noticing that daydreaming is happening is good.

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The noticing helps let go of that, then you can place your attention with present moment awareness, supported by:

- Present body sensations
- Breath sensations
- Just the feeling of being itself, presence
- Noticing awareness itself

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The power of habit will keep intervening, and daydreaming or thinking of other things will again take over. But just keep waking up to that when it happens (however long it takes), and that waking up in the moment is the meditation really.

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Then we can again use the present sensations of body and breath to help stabilize awareness in the present and learn to:

- Relax
- Let go of futurizing
- Let go of fantasizing
- Let go of dwelling in memories

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This is the effort in meditation. But it should all be done as lightly as possible, without judgment, with:

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- Kindness
- Gentleness
- Compassion for this being in the flow of sankharas

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The sankharas, the habit patterns of thinking that keep arising, are not really the obstacle so much as not really understanding what they are and how to:

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- Just let them be
- Let them go
- Not identify with them

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The mind will think; that is its conditioning. But the more we can see the thoughts as mere momentary impressions arising and ceasing, the mind clings less, identifies less, and will come to settle more with awareness in the present and learn to rest in that. But, really, the mind is like the weather:

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- Some days it is calm
- Others it is very windy and stormy

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Our job in meditation is to:

- Just notice how it is
- Not be too caught up in it
- Neither resisting nor engaging
- Finding that awareness which knows just the way it is
- Isn’t too concerned about the ups and downs of the weather

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If we try to control the weather, we only reap frustration... much like trying to control the mind! So, your very own present moment awareness is your refuge. As much as we forget that, it is always ever-present to be awakened to, to awaken within it.

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The more the mind comes to recognize both:

- The play of the thinking mind
- The power of awareness itself

The more the wisdom factor grows and will lead you on in the path of practice.

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Just a few other tips for you:

It can be very helpful to do some guided meditation to settle your mind when it comes to sitting meditation.

You could perhaps start with a short guided meditation and then continue by yourself once that is finished.

You'll notice how settled the mind can become through that process of listening to guidance, so it is a good gateway to further meditation.

We have lots of guided meditations on our website if you are interested (under the 'Resources' tab): (https://vivekahermitage.com/)

Meditating while listening to a Dhamma talk, then continuing to sit meditation afterwards will help in a similar way.

Doing some standing or walking meditation for 10-15 minutes or so before sitting meditation can do wonders for establishing awareness of the body (the first foundation of mindfulness).

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So when you sit down to continue the meditation, things will flow on more easily. Generally speaking, much of the initial restlessness of body and mind can be reduced or allayed in this way.

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I hope these few thoughts and tips are helpful for you.

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With all good wishes in Dhamma,

Ayya Jitindriya

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Response from Bhante Tejadhammo:

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An excellent answer from Ajahn Jitindriya, as always!

Dear xxx,

Go slowly, gently & follow the safe advice offered.

You’ll be fine.

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With much Metta & every blessing,

Bhante Tejadhammo

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‍When I meditate or just follow my breath I feel a lot of anger, fear, hate, tension, and annoyance. I don't care to live. I'm not suicidal, but I just wish I wasn't here. I've experienced a lot of pain from my family. My mom didn't like me and would hurt me intentionally. My dad was a violent alcoholic. I didn't feel safe and loved at home. With meditation I can feel calm at times, but these feeling of hate, anger, fear, and sadness are always there. I feel shame as well. Unwanted and unloved. I feel like I don't matter and no one cares about me.

Through meditation I realize I am an expression of life, but I'm not sure which way to go in life. I just want to retreat. I feel the world has been cruel and unkind to me so I would just like to retreat into my own bubble and not care about people anymore. At the same time I know some people are kind and have experienced kindness, but I feel very alone in the world. I also get very annoyed and overwhelmed by certain situations.

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For example, my roommate is an introvert and he lives in the living room. When I moved in he said it's a shared space but he is actually always there. He doesn't like to go anywhere. Even though he has a nice person and we became friends now every time I see him I get angry and annoyed. I just want to have solitude at times. It's too much that he is always around. How do I deal with this situation? I also live next to a bar and people hang out in the parking lot and make noise after 10pm. The law states quiet hours are from 10pm to 6am I believe so I made a complaint but nothing happens.

I go to sleep sometimes with a guided meditation or talk but I am annoyed I have to do this and just seek quiet. Then when I have a chance to feel quite in the early mornings I feel anxious. I want to run away from myself and from how I feel. I'm just annoyed by life and wish I wasn't here to be honest. I feel a lot of sadness and loneliness.

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Background Information : I've been meditating for over ten years pretty consistently but with different practices.

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Response from Ayya Jitindriya

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Dear xxx,

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I'm so sorry to hear of the difficulties you are/have been experiencing and particularly of your sense of feeling unwanted and unloved.

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As you have indicated that you understand, when our upbringing has lacked appropriate care from our primary carers it can leave its traces in many ways.

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I wonder if you have had access / or can get access to some counselling or therapy to help work through some of these experiences? I would highly recommend this as one form of support and a good resource to help you understand these feelings more deeply and to process through them.

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It is certainly possible to come out the other side of these things, with greater understanding, with a renewed access to kindness and compassion within, and to find a freedom from the sense of entrapment in such experiences.

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Additionally, you may find these sets of guided meditations helpful... I made them specifically to help address many of the challenging emotions and experiences you are encountering, in a meditative and contemplative way. You can find them on our website here: (https://vivekahermitage.com/guided-meditations/)

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I do hope you find them helpful.

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With kindest regards and all good wishes for your well-being,

Ayya Jitindriya

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Death and acceptance (death of my mother)

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Background Information : My mother passed away. I have long been leaning more into Buddhism some years ago due to some traumatic events. This in turn has taught me a lot of detachment, and accepting things are not permanent. This has been helping me a lot with coping with my mother’s death but some guidance could help me.

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Response from Bhante Jayasara

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xxx,

It is a fairly common story that people find Buddhism due to their suffering. I understand that on a personal level myself. My condolences for your loss.

When we lose a loved one, this can be a time of intense grief and contemplation. For someone investigating the nature of reality, it can also be an important learning experience, as you have already seemed to understand from previous trauma.

I assume the funeral and other post-death activities are done now, and so you are back to your normal daily life activities, yet your mind still feels the loss. No doubt you will have ups and downs in terms of emotions as you go through the grieving process.

Learn as much as you can from your experience. There is no need to suppress or repress (observe if your mind is trying to avoid the situation, which can be common under the guise of thinking you are detached) any emotions, thoughts, or feelings related to the grieving process.

Let it flow as it will, and have the Buddhist mindset of investigating and contemplating your experience to see even more deeply the nature of this samsaric existence.

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With Metta,
Bhante Jayasara

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Another response from Ayya Jitindriya

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Dear xxx,

My condolences to you on the recent death of your mother... (I also lost my dear old mum just three years ago). The death of our parents is a very significant event in our lives, and a powerful teaching in itself.

From our individual perspective, our parents have 'always been there', so their passing away can impact us deeply. The impact it can have also depends a lot on the circumstances of their passing, as well as the particulars of the relationship we had with them.

I can only advise you to be gentle and kind with yourself through this period of grieving, which can take quite some time. Such a loss can bring up many mind-states and memories, etc., some pleasant and perhaps some painful.

It's important to try to find a balance between allowing mind-states and emotions to come up and be 'processed' (seen/felt/acknowledged) and yet, not dwelling in them, or getting caught in painful memories or projections to do with the past that may arise.

The aim in practice is to take refuge in ever-present awareness, in a way that neither moves to suppress or deny what arises in each moment, nor gets fixated on or obsessed with what arises... But to see that what arises, whether pleasant or painful, is a transient state/impression, and can be felt/acknowledged without being clung to...

It's a fine dance really; and we only learn the way of balance gradually, and sometimes clumsily, so that's why kindness, compassion and patience are so important on the path of practice!

You may find this guided meditation on 'Embracing Grief and Loss' helpful at some stage, (#5 in the series here)...
(https://vivekahermitage.com/working-with-challenging-emotions/)

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Sending all good wishes and Metta your way,

Ayya Jitindriya.

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Another response from Robert

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Dear xxx,

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I am glad that you have something to help you understand what is going on at this time in your life. The loss of someone we love can feel as if we have lost a part of our body, and as such, we have to emotionally re-orientate ourselves to compensate for that.

This is not easy as it is tied very closely to our identity, especially when it is the loss of a parent. Buddhism, like all religions, is a preparation for death. By not understanding this, we fundamentally deny the better part of ourselves and wonder, usually at the end of our lives, “What was all that about? Is that all there is?”

This is like owning a very expensive sports car. Firstly, it’s great to have the money to own it, which makes you feel young and attractive; people notice you, and you might be famous. However, we only use the Ferrari, so to speak, to drive to the corner shop to buy milk and bread. We never use the Ferrari to its full potential.

This is what the Buddha tried to reinforce within us when he spoke about change, impermanence, and death. Understanding the potential we have in this life is much more precious than any material substance. With this precious human form, we can walk in the Buddha’s footsteps and ultimately free ourselves from the cycle of death and rebirth.

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Added to this is the fact that we can be of genuine benefit to all sentient beings, even at this point in time. One of the most difficult aspects of grieving is the feeling of helplessness. In Buddhism this doesn’t have to be the case.

Having the advantage of believing in the law of cause and effect, i.e., karma, we can quickly begin to understand that there is no one with whom we have the strongest karmic connection other than our own mother. By recognising this, any prayers and practices we undertake on the other person’s behalf will be of benefit.

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The most effective way to benefit someone who has died is to recite the mantra of the Buddha of Compassion, Chenrezig. You don’t have to be a monk or nun to do this, and you don’t need to receive a Chenrezig initiation – although it would be very beneficial to do so from a qualified Dharma Teacher at some future time. A common misconception about reciting the short Chenrezig mantra, Om Mani Padme Hung, is that it is “too simple.” People always yearn for complexity, believing that if something is expensive, it must be the best! The fact of the matter is, wherever a Buddha’s speech is their enlightened mind, and their enlightened body will be there too.

That is why Visualisation is very important. Mantra recitation without visualisation is like eating green grass, it feels as if we are eating something of value, but we get no nutrition from it at all!

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To do this practice:

1. Begin by taking refuge in the Three Jewels (the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha).

2. Cultivate a heartfelt wish to engage in this practice not only for your mother but also for the benefit of all sentient beings in the ten directions. Let go of any biases or preferences, extending your compassion to all beings who have lost their loved ones, and those who have lost their own life and are now confused and afraid.

3. Now, imagine Chenrezig sitting gracefully in the space in front of you – see picture I have attached. Feel Chenrezig physically there with you. Notice their peaceful smile and the soft, calming rays of light emanating from their body. Take your time.

4. As you visualise Chenrezig, adjust their size according to your preference. Whether large or small, trust your intuition. The key is to feel a genuine connection and openness.

5. Now, visualise your mother sitting directly below Chenrezig. Feel strongly that she is in the room with you. There is no sadness, no anxiety, no doubt, only harmony, and a deep sense of peace and happiness – you feel it and your mother feels it too. What you feel, she feels.

6. Now, slowly at first, begin to recite the mantra – likewise visualise your mother reciting the mantra along with you, when you stop she stops, when you start she starts. As you are reciting the mantra, white light with a warm pinkish tinge emanates from Chenrezig’s heart centre. This light washes over your mother and it shines on to you too.

7. When you have finished your session, keep the visualisation clearly in front of you. Now dedicate the merit of what you have done by saying something to the effect: I dedicate whatever little virtue I have gathered here for the benefit of my mother and all sentient beings in the ten directions. May they all be guided to Chenrezig’s abode of joy and never experience the suffering of Samsara again. May everyone be at peace.

8. Having said that, a final burst of light comes from Chenrezig’s heart, blessing you and all sentient beings in the ten directions; at the same time the light draws your mother up into Chenrezig’s heart's centre. As all the light draws back into Chenrezig’s heart, visualise Chenrezig slowly dissolving into that light and finally disappearing altogether.

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Don’t feel alone, or sad, feel happy that you have been able to share this with your mother. If you find this visualisation too emotional, then just visualise Chenrezig without your mother, and dedicate the merit to her and all sentient beings. That is okay. The most important thing is your motivation. Due to your karmic connection, your mother will benefit from whatever merit you accumulate and dedicate to her.

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Additionally, because there is so much to visualise and keep in mind all at once, keep the recitation in short to begin with. In time, with practice, extend the session to longer and longer periods of time. Quality over quantity is the most important thing.

Once you have mastered that then you can start accumulating mantras for the sake of your mother. Because the mantra is short, and yet powerful, you can accumulate a vast amount over a relatively short period of time.

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xxx, if you have any questions about what I have written, or other Dharma questions in general, feel free to email me directly at any time.

Yours in the Buddhadharma,
Robert

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‍Response from Robert:

‍

Dear xxx,

‍

Speaking from a purely Buddhist point of view, there is nothing that we can’t become accustomed to if we habituate ourselves to it on a regular basis. This is especially true of death and impermanence.

‍

The fact that you are afraid of death, which is a normal thing in itself, comes down to the fact that you have been thinking, i.e., habituating yourself, about the negative things that such a change could bring.

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The Buddha says, "Because things change, there will always be suffering." Why is that? Is the Buddha trying to frighten us, or are we frightening ourselves? How we choose to answer that question depends on our current psychological state.

‍

For example:

- How we have been brought up by our family
- What we think about ourselves personally
- How do we see ourselves fitting into this world

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The answer to these questions, and more, can offer us a clue as to why we are afraid of change. If we really can’t justify the fear, then we say that fear is irrational. It is fear for fear’s sake.

‍

The Buddha taught the Four Noble Truths, and much more besides. The first of the Noble Truths is suffering. Within the multifaceted aspects of suffering, there is the suffering of change. That means the mere fact of something changing physically, including ourselves, causes us distress.

‍

Examples include:

- Changing houses (which might involve changing schools, friends, and changing job, etc.)
- A watch that holds special memories gets broken or stolen

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All these things can make us very stressed.

‍

There is nothing that we know of that does not change, even on a subtle level. By understanding that, we shouldn’t be afraid of death; we should be afraid of never having begun to live. And that is what irrational fear does to us. It stops us from finding happiness in, and within, this life that we have earned through our past karma.

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This life, with all its endowments and freedoms that you now have, has come about because this is what we have always wanted – the ability to choose what we want to do with this life. From a Buddhist point of view, that is called having a precious human rebirth.

‍

Rather than thinking about yourself and how the death of others will affect you, a better option – a more positive and realistic one – would be to think about how you can repay your parents’ kindness.

‍

Living this life in such a way that empowers you:

- In your career
- Starting a new life with your wife, etc.

‍

All these things show your parents that their time and effort in bringing you up hasn’t been wasted.

‍

The key is having a quality of life.

‍

No one conversation or email could ever begin to help you in this situation. What I am saying now is only an outline, at best, of how to tackle a complicated problem like impermanence and change.

‍

These are huge existential questions and even more monumental psychological challenges that everyone must resolve individually, in such a way that they can best understand.

‍

Some options open to you are:

- Talking to people who have lost someone close to them in their life and seeing what they did to understand such loss
- If you are Buddhist, reading the scriptures, attending teachings, and asking questions about where the Buddha talks about impermanence
- Studying and meditating on that can habituate us to the fact that built into life is the very mechanism for change
- Nothing remains the same forever; everything is in motion

‍

Lastly, if you are finding that your thoughts about all of this are impeding your quality of life, then it would be advisable to talk to a counsellor to help you slowly walk through your situation and point out what coping mechanisms you can use.

‍

This is very important, as you would have someone guiding you through the desensitization process.

‍

The best we can do is not to be afraid to live our life. On the other hand, we should not get too caught up in the hollow promises that life seems to give us. The most constructive way is the middle way, as taught by the Buddha.

‍

We know that things are subject to change; that is why we appreciate and make the best of the time we have with the people around us – no time to argue or make enemies! And whatever mistakes we have made, there is still time to correct them.

‍

In the final analysis, it isn’t what we carry in our hands that matters; it is what we carry in our heart that determines what happens in the future.

‍

Yours in the Buddhadharma,
Robert.

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‍Response from Ven.shravasti dhammika

Dear xx, reading your question reminded me of  what the Buddha called “the jungle of views, the tangle of views, the fetter of views.”

I will not attempt to answer your question but I will give you my understanding of what the Buddha taught about the nature of reality, as opposed to what later commentators, Saravastavadins Madyamakaists,etc. taught, and who, is suspect, had a great deal of spare time on their hands.

According to the Buddha, the external world exists in the real sense of the word. We may misapprehend and misinterpret it - but it exists, its real. That’s why he made causation one of the central concepts of his Dhamma. The senses are not the problem, the external is not the problem, the problem is how we react when the two meet.

Interestingly, he considered ideas as much a sense object to the mind as a visual object is to the eye. Thus, just as we can become overwhelmed by, entranced with and ‘carried away’ (I really like that expression!) by a sensual image, we can with notions, concepts and ideas. I would encourage you to revisit some of the things you must have read or heard about during your 40 years acquaintance with the Dhamma, about inner stillness and outer simplicity.

Kind regards, Bhante Dhammika  

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Bhante Dhammika: ‍

‍

The Buddha is very clear that not everything that happens to someone is due to kamma. To attribute everything to karma is to misunderstand the Buddha’s teachings.

If every single thing was determined by karma, there would be no possibility of changing oneself – we would always be completely determined by our past. Further, murderers or thieves could say that they were simply punishing the murdered or the person stolen from  for their past kamma. So do be clear on this matter – not everything that happens to someone is due to kamma.

‍Response from Bhante Dhammika

The advice the Buddha gave concerning material wealth is a good example of this.

Among the types of happiness he considered to be worthwhile and legitimate were the happiness of ownership (atthisukha), the happiness of wealth (bhogasukha), and the happiness of being free from debt (anaṇasukha):

“The person who accumulates wealth lawfully and without harming others and, in doing so, makes himself happy and fulfilled, shares it with others, does good works, makes use of it without greed or infatuation, aware of its limitations and keeping in mind his own spiritual growth, is praiseworthy on all these counts”. 

Thus wealthy individuals can be praiseworthy (pāsaṁsa)according to how they have made their wealth, how they utilize it, and the attitude they have towards it. His disciples should, he recommended, acquire wealth “by hard work, by strength of arm and sweat of brow, honestly and lawfully”, i.e., by moral means, within the limits of the law (dhammena), and in ways that do not exploit or disadvantage others (saṁvibhajati).

Secondly, they should use their wealth meaningfully, so that it gives them, their families, and friends and associates some level of enjoyment (attānaṁ sukheti pīṇeti).

Doing good works, the third of these criteria, involved giving alms to ascetics and religious teachers but also to “the disadvantaged,the poor, the homeless and beggars” (kapaṇaddhika-vaṇibbaka-yācakānaṃ).

Included in good works also, the Buddha said, were projects for the general good, such as planting trees, digging wells and constructing bridges and wayside rest houses.

The Buddha recommended that a prudent disciple should try to maintain a balance in life (samaṃ jīvikaṃ), so that his or her expenditure did not exceed income, and avoid both extravagance and tight-fisted frugality.

He also counselled dividing one’s income into four and using one part for basic needs, two parts for work, by either investing it or putting it back into one’s business, and keeping one part aside for future eventualities.

One of the negative sides of wealth that the Buddha noticed and cautioned against was its tendency to make the people who had it proud and complacent, especially if they have acquired it suddenly or with little effort. He observed: “Few are the people in the world who, when they acquire great wealth, do not get carried away by it, become negligent, chase after sensual pleasures and mistreat others”.

Thus he warned the comfortably well-off to reflect on the limitations of their wealth (ādīnavadassāvī). They should, he said, keep in mind that while money can give so much in some areas, it cannot deliver some of the most important things in life, and this should encourage them to see their wealth as a means to an end rather than an end in itself. They should also consider that there are other types of wealth, of greater value and accessible to everyone,that can never be stolen or lost and that can be taken into the next life: “There are these five types of wealth. What five? The wealth of faith, the wealth of virtue, the wealth of learning, the wealth of generosity and the wealth of wisdom”.

Whoever is rich in these and other kinds of spiritual treasures, he said, “whether they be a man or a woman, they are not poor and neither are their lives empty”.

Another type of happiness the Buddha frequently gave attention to was that associated with family life, the basis of which is marriage. Amongst higher castes at the time,arranging with a girl’s parents to marry her off without consulting her, and even buying a wife, was not unusual. The Buddha criticized brahmins for doing this rather than the couple “coming together in harmony and out of mutual affection” (sampiyena pi saṃvāsaṃ samaggatthāyasampavattenti), which he obviously considered to be a far better motive for marriage.

He believed that if a husband and wife loved each other deeply and had similar kamma, they may be able to renew their relationship in the next life.

The ideal Buddhist couple would be Nakulapitā andNakulamātā, who were devoted disciples of the Buddha and who had been happily married for many years. Once, Nakulapitā said to the Buddha in his wife’s presence: “Lord, ever since Nakulamātā was brought to my home when I was a mere boy and she a mere girl, I have never been unfaithful to her, not even in thought, let alone in body”.

On another occasion, his wife Nakulamātā devotedly nursed him through a long illness, encouraging and reassuring him all the while. When the Buddha came to know of this, he said to Nakulapitā: “You have benefited, good sir, you have greatly benefited in having Nakulamātā, full of compassion for you, full of love for you, as your mentor and teacher”.

From the Buddha’s perspective, these qualities would be the recipe for an enduring and enriching relationship: faithfulness; mutual love;compassion; and learning the Dhamma together. 

Apart from the bonds of love and affection, the Buddha offered advice on other matters that make for a successful marriage. A couple who are following the Dhamma should, he said,“speak loving words to each other” (aññamaññapiyaṃvādā).

The husband, for his part, should honour and respect his wife, never disparage her, be faithful to her, give her authority in the household, and provide for her financially.  The wife should do her work properly, manage the servants, be faithful to her husband, protect the family income, and be skilled and diligent in household management.

When discussing parents and children, the Buddha again recognized the central role of love and the happiness it brings with it: “Love of one’s mother and love of one’s father is true happiness in the world”.

He said that children should love, respect and honour their parents “because mothers and fathers do much for their children: they bring them up, nourish them, and introduce them to the world”.

The minds of parents thus honoured and cherished will have“beautiful thoughts and compassion towards their children and will wish them well, saying, ‘May you live long!’, so that they shall not decline but flourish”.

Apart from loving and caring for their offspring, the Buddha said that loving parents will “restrain their children from wrong, encourage them to do good, give them an education, provide them with a suitable marriage partner and leave them an inheritance”.

As if to emphasize the blessing of gratitude, he asserted that it is impossible for children to repay their parents for all they have done for them. Then he added this proviso: “But whoever encourages their unbelieving parents to believe, their immoral parents to become moral or their ignorant parents to become wise, such a one, by so doing, does repay, does more than repay, their parents”.

Other than the names of his mother, stepmother and father and a few other minor details, we know nothing about Gotama’s upbringing, what his relationship with his parents and kin was like and, later, whether or no this marriage was a successful one. His renunciation cannot be taken as evidence that his home life was unfulfilling, as some have claimed. Rather, it was motivated by a deep desire to soar upwards from the mundane to the spiritual, something even the happiest individuals are sometimes inspired to do, even if it means leaving their family. The Buddha’s comments on and advice about conjugal, parental and filial love point to him coming from a home in which love and affection were strong.

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‍Response from Ajahn Dhammadharo

Dear xxx, I can definitely relate to having a mid-teen existential crisis which leads to a soul search. It can be quite confronting to have such an experience but as you have seen is sets you off on a path of enquiry that can bring you to the Dhamma. I won't go into an in depth or detailed explanation of the Buddhist teachings here but I would encourage you to keep investigating the Dhamma which is basically a path of generosity,virtue, and meditation. It is a path that tells us to observe how our own actions effect our life rather than expecting other people or our external situation to provide us with what we want: happiness. Right? That being said, if there is a centre or meditation group near you will also get encouragement from exchanges and interaction with like-minded people.

Best wishes Ajahn Dhammadharo

Another response from Robert

From a Buddhist perspective, having an existential crisis is quite normal and nothing to be concerned about, as most of the people in the world (think 99.99%) are not genuinely conscious as to what it means to be human. Human, in the sense of, what our strengths and abilities are, what we are capable of doing and being. ‍

That word, “being,” is the operative function.

The way I’m using it here is in the future-tense, what we have the potential of becoming, latent abilities that we are not fully conscious of that can help us to over come existential confusion and suffering – i.e., suffering in all its’ forms,mental, physical, and verbal. You might be more familiar with the word being in the sense of, what does it mean to exist – as per Martin Heidegger and Jean-Paul Satre? Yes, Buddhism addresses that question very thoroughly. However,it requires a very different way of seeing reality compared to what Western Philosophy describes. Buddhism is founded on a three-tiered process,psychology/science, philosophy, and religion.

As a person progresses on the Buddhist path, they sequentially move through those three processes. Psychologically, like yourself, people may be going through an existential situation, the death of a loved one, loss of job, becoming sick, old, or handicapped, etc. All these situations, and many more besides, force us to look within psychologically –who are we? What makes me tick exactly? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I like this and not that? All this is psychology. The philosophical aspect is when we study Buddhist teachings and see what the Buddha is talking about, e.g., the benefits of taking refuge in the Three Jewels, past and future lives, the law of cause and effect, etc. So, by incorporating the philosophy we can change our psychological well being for the better. Why? Because the Buddha, via his own experience, is giving us the rules of the road – if followed correctly, it will lead us clearly to a final destination.

Is this practically possible, or is it just talk? What is the final destination? This is what I was alluding to before when I mentioned the word being in the future-tense. So, the Buddha’s teachings/philosophy in combination with our own individual psychological state gives us the practical tools to change and move in a positive direction. By applying what we have been taught, via listening, reading and study, we can test through our own daily experience what works and what doesn’t, thereby taking what we need and discarding what we don’t need.

By definition that would be regarded as psychological growth/maturity. It is only at this point that a person can move on to the last part of the process, religion, or the spiritual aspect if you like. Religion,regardless of the domination you choose, in its correct/pure form is a preparation for death. Religion, despite the historical bad publicity,has no other purpose. Anything outside of that purpose becomes politics – pure and simple. So, whom we wish to follow, spiritually, must be someone who is squeaky-clean ethically and spiritually knowledgeable in everything they do,say and think. Those kinds of people are rare. Should you find such a person either via reading about them or meeting them in person, that should reinforce your own understanding as to how precious and rare your own life is in that you have the mental faculties and disposition to use this human form in order to improve yourself.

By combining the psychological and philosophical process the religious/spiritual process now becomes fully activated, it is at this point that we can anticipate as to what will happen when our consciousness leaves the physical form/the body – and in turn what kind of future we will have. I hope you can see that religion is based on logic and reason and not on blind faith?

Usually what happens is that people, unfortunately, skip the first two processes and go straight to religion – in that context religion only becomes a form of veneration, making offering, etc. But should you ask people,how does the Buddha help you? Or what does it mean to take refuge in the Buddha? Not many people can say, it just becomes a habit built over time. In this way people miss out on having a deeper practical understanding of their own spiritual path and indeed their own life. There is a Tibetan Buddhist saying, if you want to know what you were in your past life look at the life you have now, and if you want to know what kind of life you will have in the future look at the mind you have in this life! So, the world we see around us is the collective karma, i.e., action, we have all contributed to – everyone is confused and uncertain. Why do bad things happen to “good people?” It’s because of their past actions, either in this life or in past lives.

As I’ve outlined above, being aware of this existential angst is a sign that intuitively we know that there is something wrong with the world and we wish to find a way out, that now becomes our spiritual quest.Enjoy the journey. P.S. In your readings of Satre you might have come across his famous quote, “hell is other people.” From a Buddhist point of view this is way off the mark as there is nothing we can do without the help from other people, even those who mistreat us! Good and bad people kindly show us whom we wish to be and whom we wish NOT to be - as the Grail Knight said, in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, “you must choose, but choose wisely…” :o) I say,hell is only other people who wish to be there!

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So please don’t think the world is a bad place – it has its purpose in helping us on our quest to freedom, and don’t think that people don’t like and understand you in some way. Before you many people have traveled the same path you are on now, and many, many, more will come after you. None of us are alone.

xxx, if you have any questions about what I have said, or any further questions, please feel free to email me.

Yours in the Buddhadharma, Robert

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‍Response from Venerable Jitindriya

Dear xxx, I'm sorry to hear of the pain and difficulties you have been enduring with suicidal ideation for a such a long time. I think your own understanding within your question is on the right course... There is certainly the strong element of what we might call 'self-hatred', or an expression of strong aversion/anger directed inwardly at play here. Because it's been recurring for quite some time it can seem harder to shake...

However, with persistent mindfulness and some key 'practice' interventions it is certainly possible to move through this territory and gain the insight you need to ease out from this habitual tendency. I'd just like to mention a couple of things to be aware of here, in case you aren't already...

Persistent suicidal ideation can arise from several different factors:

1. There may well be ancestral influences, where family members in the past have suicided or had similar persistent thoughts of suicide. This is documented well in family systems therapies, and particularly in Bert Hellinger's approach. Such tendencies can be emotionally /psychologically 'inherited' to a large degree. I'd highly recommend working with a therapist who really understands this territory with insight. Here is the contact info of a very good therapist in the UK who may still be doing one-on-one skype sessions, and who trained with Hellinger. You can read up and may feel inclined to contact her: http://www.movingconstellations.com/judith-hemming/

2. There's also the possibility that what's arising may be karmic imprints from the past, when such suicidal ideation has been acted upon in previous situations. You have the right understanding however, that acting on such impulses will not result in anything helpful, but will merely reinforce a karmic tendency. So, to find the strength and support to work through this territory and eventually come out the other side is your best option. In this regard, please feel free to explore these guided meditations I have online,designed to help people establish embodied awareness and Metta, and work with difficult emotional states and mental tendencies: https://vivekahermitage.com/embodying-awareness-metta/

Finally, just to mention that some medications for depression and anxiety have been shown in some cases to increase or give rise to suicidal feelings... despite their intent to help relieve them. This is also well documented. Everyone is different in how they respond to such medications,so ideally your doctor would be monitoring symptoms and adjusting treatment until you and they find what works best for you.

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So, if you happen to be on any such medications you may want to ask your doctor about this... It's extremely important to work with your doctor on this however, as any medication you may currently be on should never be removed or changed suddenly or quickly, but only very gradually and always under close medical supervision.

Just one last thought.... Another helpful and easily available resource to explore is the work of Gabor Mate, on trauma and its effects. He has many video talks online (just google his name and they will come up) and many very good books on this subject. Persistent suicidal ideation may well be linked to trauma (whether or not we have conscious memory of the trauma), and just becoming aware of this is very important for the healing journey. If this is the case, then it is the trauma experience and its effects that you will need to work with therapeutically, and the suicidal ideation may then start to change and ease out as a natural result.

I hope these things mentioned may be of some support to you.It's good you reach out for such support in different ways. I trust you will find your way through this challenging territory and come to a deeper understanding of the dynamics at play and also find the means to both manage and eventually move beyond them.

With all good wishes and Metta,

Jitindriya

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Response from Bhante Dhammika

Dear xxx, again, thanks for the query. The experience ofAwakening (bodhi, paramam sukam, vimutti, nibāna or in Sanskrit Nirvana;the Buddha used many words for this state) – Nirvana with residue(saupadiesesa nibbāna dhātu) and Nirvana without residue(anupādisena nibbāna dhātu).

So this is what this means. When the Buddha was sitting under the Bodhi tree he attained Nirvana, but he still had a physical body and lived for another 45 years and during which time he would have experienced the heat of the Indian summer, perhaps hunger when he didn’t get sufficient alms, the prick of a thorn he might have stood on, etc. He was still subject to physical suffering. When he died, his body fell away and he attained complete Nirvana – utter and total freedom of mind (akuppa ceto vimutti). ‍

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I would encourage you to obtain a copy of What the Buddha Taught by W. Rahula and read it as it will probably answer many questions you might have. It may be on line.

Kind regards,

Bhante Dhammika

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Ayya Suvira: ‍

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To practice Buddhism we give up the unwholesome, cultivate the wholesome, and purify our own minds.

In more concrete terms, I went through a journey of attending different temples, finding the ones that suited me, trying to make ethical life choices, meditating and chanting for a short period daily at home, asking questions to monks, nuns and lay teachers, and observing eight precepts on uposatha. After I ordained my life was a bit different though.

We don’t always know what’s wholesome and unwholesome, so asking questions is a good thing.‍

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‍

Gawaine Powell Davies:‍

‍

I understand that you have a good starting point – meditation and mindfulness practice and a desire to learn more of the dharma. I’m writing this as someone who came to the dharma through meditation about 20 years ago, and who practises in a Western tradition (mixture of Insight and secular Buddhism).

The best starting point is to find a group that you like. The companionship is important, and you learn a lot from each other. You can find many groups on the Buddhist Council website (buddhistcouncil.org). In the Western Insight tradition, Sydney Insight Meditators lists a number of sanghas, most of which are currently meeting online.

There are some excellent books about the Buddha’s teaching. I would refer you to the Buddhist Library, an excellent centre in Camperdown. Sydney Insight Meditators has a list of books and other material that you might like: https://www.sydneyinsightmeditators.org/reading-list.html. What the Buddha Taught by Rahula Walpole is not a bad place to start.

But do look for a group: it can provide you with a stable base from which to make your explorations.

Bhante Dhammika:‍

‍

Thanks for the inquiry. I’ve never heard of  “legally” being a Buddhist before. Belonging to a particular religion is a bit like being  politically conservative or liberal – it’s an attitude, a point of view, an outlook. You could join a particular political party and they would accept you as a member but you would not “legally” be liberal or conservative.  I would suggest that you start attending a Buddhist group or temple, learn their particular approach to Buddhism and then when you start basing your life on what you have been taught, you’ve become a Buddhist. Just like that! You won’t have to sign any document, register,  go before a JP or fill out an affidavit – you’ll just be a Buddhist. Some Buddhist groups have a small ceremony in which marks a person’s entry into Buddhism, but that has no legal standing. Religion is a private and personal matter.‍

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Editor’s note:

Ajahn Brahm jokes that Buddhism is a religion for tax purposes!

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‍Response from Bhante Jayasara

Xxxx, The best way to start is to find a Buddhist community near you and to engage with them. To be able to listen to Dhamma Talks and understand how Buddhists live. If you live in a place where there are no in person Buddhist places near you, then there is ample opportunity to find a community online. In addition to finding a community of some sort, you could watch basic teachings from monastics on a website like YouTube.

This was an invaluable resource for me when I started out as I had no Buddhist communities near me. Once you have these resources, then it's about gradually and slowly understanding the teachings, and putting them into practice over time by following the Noble Eightfold Path, gradually developing your wisdom and insight.

‍

With Metta,

Bhante Jayasara

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‍Response from Ayya Suvira

Hi xxx,

My name is Suvira Bhikkhuni (my title is Ayya), I am a bhikkhuni (ordained nun) in the Theravada tradition.

I became Buddhist formally when I was 12 and decided to ordain as a bhikkhuni around the same time. This,of course, was pre-2009, so before Theravada bhikkhuni ordination was available in Australia: which is another story.

Anyway, a lot of the information about Buddhism that the local monks were writing and circulating when I was growing up really made a deep impact on me. I was reading all of this in my teens; I would spend most of my school lunch-times either reading about Buddhism or practicing meditation by myself. I read about a famous local monk who said that he was happy, and didn't have any attachments apart from his mother. After his mother passed away, he didn't have that worry either. The people that I knew who didn't know about Buddhism weren't like that at all- they were always unhappy and complaining about something. They were proud and angry and took everything seriously. It made a big impact, to know that some people were happy, and it wasn't by accident who gets to be happy or not: it was the direct result of choosing a life of cultivating mental purity.

By "cultivating mental purity", I mean,cultivating our minds to overcome greed, hatred and delusion & to restore our mind's inherent bright and pure nature. I read that anyone could use Buddhism as an education to help them cultivate their minds, it didn't matter what religion they were, which was very attractive. The connection between mental purity and happiness seemed very straightforward, but I hadn't been told about it at school or even at church. It seemed very strange that everyone I knew had missed this basic point, and even more horrific that I was still harbouring greed, hatred and delusion inside myself. Buddhism also answered "big questions", like "why are we born and why do we suffer?","is there a God and a soul?" and as a person with a strong interest in religions, I was very happy with the logical consistency of Buddhist doctrine compared to the theology I had read. Later, I found out that earlier in the 20th century in East Asia, it was popular for a time to introduce Buddhism as the pinnacle of the world's religion- as something that could accept the good in religions, remove superstition and show what is even beyond God without requiring people to give up what is good in their culture or customs. This made a lot of sense to me (and still does).

After I was exposed to Buddhism, I made a big effort to find all the Buddhist resources I could, like Buddhanet, https://www.buddhanet.net/. I wanted to know how we could cultivate mental purity. I did what the monks and nuns told me and later found a meditation teacher. One of the things that really stood out was the process of reducing my anger. Nobody had told me before that anger was a bad thing, but through the Buddhist resources, learned that getting angry is like being mentally deranged. I found that Buddhism offered practical, easy tools to transform negative emotions into positive ones, which was a big plus. I am still using and teaching these same techniques today.

So I think one of the definite benefits of Buddhism is practical ways to be less angry and sad and to just be happier through cultivating purer states of mind. The Dhammapada says, "To avoid evil, to do good, to purify one's own mind- this is the teaching of the Buddhas." It is very simple: if only we could be more consistent in accomplishing it, I am certain the world would be a better place. If there are any further questions we can help you with, please do let us know.Wishing you all the best in your own path!

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with Metta, Ayya Suvira

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‍Response from Ayya Jitindriya:

‍

It just so happens that I uploaded a series of guided contemplations/meditations yesterday called 'Working with Challenging Emotions', one of which addresses the experience of Anger - so you may wish to listen to that to see if it helps somewhat. Here's the link to our website page with them: (https://vivekahermitage.com/working-with-challenging-emotions/)

Regarding your particular situation and what you refer to as ‘workplace stress', there are a lot of different factors that would feed into this, so there is no quick response or solution. You'd have to have a look into the actual causes of this stress (which would most likely be multi-faceted), and try to discern which things can be addressed in the workplace situation - (i.e., if the workload is too high, if management needs to intervene in something, or if a workplace relationship is difficult, perhaps mediation is a possibility); and which things need to be addressed in yourself - (such as habitual reactivity to certain situations and triggers; tiredness; or habitual stress due to other causes, etc.) - through self-reflection, meditation, or via a contemplative process such as the guidance I've linked to.

Often, in workplaces these days, they also provide an opportunity for employees to seek private counseling with outside independent counselors for several sessions... so that might be a possibility for you too if you inquire.

It's always helpful to be able to talk to such professionals about your experience and get some feedback. Stress at work may also be because of other stressors in one’s home life bleeding over into the day's work situation. Habitual worry and over-thinking the difficulties can also be contributing factors. Discerning the causes is more than half the work, really! Once the triggers and causes are seen, they can then be addressed, worked through, or let go of.

I hope these few reflections prove helpful, and that the guided meditations and contemplations linked to provide further ways and means of working with the stressors you speak of.

With all good wishes,
Ayya Jitindriya

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‍Response from Ayya Jitindriya

Regarding your question: Does one have to become a monk to end the cycle? What are the ways and methods? From my perspective, as a Theravadin Buddhist nun, the answer is 'no', you do not have to be a monk (or a nun) to become enlightened. It may (or may not) allow you more time and the context to assist with focus on the method and practice, however, these days a sincere lay life can also allow the time to do so if you develop all the path factors. The method of practice to reach enlightenment is clearly summarized as the noble eight-fold path. That might sound ordinary, but as you investigate (study) and engage (practice) the eightfold path, you will soon realize how powerful it is: sila (wholesome living), samadhi(meditation), and panna (wise reflection and insight knowledge)

There are plenty of resources available these days to assist with study and practice and thereby realization of the Dhamma for oneself.

With all good wishes for your path.

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‍Response from Bhante Tejadhammo

I hope you are keeping well? In Thailand people will often place damaged or undamaged images under a tree or deep in a forested area. Otherwise placed in a dense heavily grown garden seems to be acceptable. Some monasteries or temples will accept them to be placed in the grounds/garden.

Stay safe & well

Every blessing

Tejadhammo

Another response from Robert

In the Tibetan tradition I know that damaged (or ill produced) Dharma objects, statues, tsa-tsas, etc, are placed respectfully in isolated mountain settings, they are never destroyed – but rather they let nature take its’ course. For Sydney siders, this could be an isolated place in a national park for example – but placed so that it isn’t out in the rain, e.g.,a grotto or overhang.

Dharma objects should never be sold but rather given to sincere people who have taken Refuge in the Three Jewels – this will allow them to develop their faith even more. Talk to local Dharma Centres, ask the Spiritual Teachers (at those centres) if you can donate those objects to them and they can (keep them or) give them to whomever they think is worthy, ordained or lay.

Especially if the objects have been consecrated and filled –in the case of a statue or a small stupa. It might take a little time and effort,but it will be worthwhile because you would have done something positive and virtuous – as opposed to the opposite! The biggest lesson we can learn is the perfection of patience. All Dharma practice starts from there.

Yours in the Buddhadharma, Robert.

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‍Response from Ajahn Dhammadharo

Dear xxx, You can just question them in anon-confrontational manner by saying things like: "But is that really true?" "Are you sure about that?' "I guess the other perspective on that might be..." etc. If you feel you can make the other person receptive then you can do that. The mistake we make is that we try to win the argument or prove the other person wrong which can just make them dig their heels in and grip their view even tighter.

In my experience, you just have to make sure you are in are relaxed mood and take the right approach when you disagree with someone. It is not a matter of say something or don't say something. It's much more about timing and choosing the right words. Also, what goes a long way is first showing an interest in understanding them, even if you find their view repugnant. Ask why / how they arrived at that viewpoint. When you make an effort to listen and understand others they are more likely to do the same for you. And if the other person is still totally unreceptive then just accept that they are that way at the moment and there isn't much you can do at this point in time.

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‍Response from Ayya Suvira

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Thanks for your enquiry.

You mentioned you had worked hard in the past to get into your current program, but now you are suffering from comparing yourself with others (possibly low self-esteem). You were wondering if it is kamma (karma). It probably feels a bit negative and is wearing you down.

Buddhism is concerned with motivation & intention...this is the real meaning of "kamma". We can do the same activity very different ways depending on the place it's coming from.

When the motivation is fear and a competitive attitude (the unwholesome kamma), the study you might have otherwise enjoyed can become a drag. The fact it's not fun anymore will drive the procrastination cycle...the more you procrastinate, the worse it feels for you (the fruit of kamma).

One answer to this cycle might be to try to cultivate a socially altruistic attitude to study (wholesome study kamma!). You might be able to try to focus on the joy of learning itself, and improving your own skills and knowledge, without worrying so much about others.

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Knowledge is always socially constructed...instead of seeing our peers as competitors, we can focus on the welfare of the group as a whole, e.g., by actively sharing resources and tutoring others, by rejoicing with the successes of our class or team, by contributing and asking questions, and helping those who need it.

Joining a supportive study group can also help to not see success or failure as an individual thing. Personally, I also like to make a connection with the teacher early in semester (e.g., by making use of office hours to ask a question)...focusing on social connection enables us to both help and be helped by others.

This way, we can use study to cultivate brahma viharas of Metta (kindness), karuna (compassion), mudita (sympathetic joy), and upekkha (equanimity) towards ourselves and others. Equanimity in the sense that no matter what the outcome is, you have committed to making peace with it.

When you have come into the course from a place of altruism and curiosity and not competition, it will be easier to make peace with outcomes later, as it was only ever about learning and not about beating others.

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The truth is that all people (including ourselves) deep down have weaknesses and vulnerabilities, and we need care and concern, not envy or comparison.

The other students in your cohort aren't magically super clever; they have struggles and need your compassion too. Just because someone does well in an exam, or bad in an exam, doesn't mean their lives will be good or bad.

It's good to have a realistic understanding of what other people's lives are actually like to get some balance. Everyone has problems.

If you know how to meditate, it might be helpful to spend some time each morning not thinking about school. E.g., if your study hours are 9am-7pm or similar, when the study time is up, really finish up and do something else.

Take a walk. Go to temple. Visit an elderly relative. There is honestly more to life than study, and you will be fine.

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With Metta,
Ayya Suvira

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Response from Theresa Baw

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You’ve already received some excellent advice from some of the other Buddhists on the panel. I am adding something that I hope also helps.

You mentioned that your “thought process” is “like a train wreck that I cannot stop inside my mind”. Please bear in mind that you are not your thoughts. You don’t have to pay attention to them. You don’t have to identify with them. You don’t have to give them any meaning.

Think of them as just the mind’s empty chatter that is just passing through. They only have meaning if you give them meaning. This is probably easier said than done.

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However, if you’ve ever meditated, even for a little bit, you will start to observe the stream of thoughts that constantly come and go through our minds. It’s almost funny how quickly the mind can make up stories endlessly.

Once you step back from the thought process and relate to it with a sense of spaciousness, instead of being lost in them, you begin to realize that you don’t have to be dictated by your thoughts.

Meditation helps you to remember you don’t have to pay attention to all your thoughts, especially unskillful ones.

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With loving-kindness,
Theresa

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Response from Bhante Dhammika

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Dear xxx,

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Sorry to hear of your predicament. I’m not experienced in counseling, so I am hesitant to give advice about it, and hope that someone else on our team will.

However, I would like to comment on one thing you mentioned. You wondered if your problem was due to “past karma?” We Buddhists have a rather bad habit of attributing anything that happens to us to karma.

I’d just like to point out that this idea is quite contrary to what the Buddha taught. Our experiences in the present can be due to a wide range of things, karma being only one.

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In fact, one Buddhist text says this: “What happens as a result of karma is much less than what happens as a result of other causes. The fool goes too far in saying that everything that happens is a result of karma.”

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Another common misunderstanding about karma, and perhaps a worse one, is that it can never be changed.

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These two false notions can

(1) make people feel that they are responsible for everything that happens to them, that it’s their fault, and

(2) make them think they can’t change anything, that their present and future are determined and fixed.

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Your problem may be due to unhelpful habits developed in the past, but neither you nor I can know.

Knowing this can give you the energy and the determination to intelligently and gradually come to terms with your problem.

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I hope you can and will.

Kind regards,
Bhante Dhammika

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‍Ayya Jitindriya:‍

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My name is Ayya Jitindriya, a nun in the Theravada tradition. I’m just responding to your query to the ‘Ask a Buddhist’ program.

I can really relate to your question and concerns… in fact, it is a very common and human thing to struggle with giving loving kindness and forgiveness towards ourselves. Learning how to do so is a great task on the spiritual path actually. It doesn’t come easily, yet it is imperative that we learn this ability, as not being able to accept ourselves and our experience in the moment is really at the root of much of the dukkha (suffering) we encounter and struggle with in our lives.

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For myself, it was a process of many years in learning this lesson, and now I know the importance of it. Yet, I still have to be very mindful every day of the conditioned tendencies to hang on to pain and resist the ‘unpleasant’ emotions and perceptions when they arise, so as not to get caught in that trap of self-inflicting pain. But once you know and see these patterns and learn the knack of letting-go, particularly through kindness and acceptance, it comes more easily, and insight into the process deepens along the way.

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We will often get challenged to go deeper with this work, with different stuff arising for us, right up until we’ve really ‘cleared the decks’, so to speak, (i.e. fully awakened!).

Kindness, compassion, gentleness, and making peace with ‘the way things are’ (which includes ourselves and whatever is manifesting in the heart/mind in any given moment), is what the 2^nd factor of the eightfold path is all about: right intention/thought/attitude.

So, in the face of feelings and perceptions arising of anger, hatred (including self-hatred), unkindness (towards self or other), vengefulness, sadness, disappointment, etc. (which can all be summed up as ‘resistance’), we learn to first recognize it arising in the heart, (this is apprehending the first noble truth of dukkha), and then enquire how to soften around these feelings/perceptions in the moment. We develop approaches, ‘custom-made techniques’ to do this. We have to do this (enquire, experiment) in our own experience, so as we can see the results arising there (i.e. other aspects of the four noble truths manifesting for us to see and understand). This is the process of awakening – awakening to suffering and its causes, and also the cessation of suffering and the path thereto.

So, the ‘thorns in our side’ become the goad to awakening in our path, and the source of insight. We bring them onto path, and as we work with them, we understand and fulfill the path.

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Learning to forgive ourselves for our mistakes… this is a hard one for all of us. Why is it that we keep remembering and repeatedly going over the really painful, embarrassing, and ego-humiliating stuff? Why do we so easily forget the good stuff? This is a kind of self-inflicting mental torture, that we really have to snap out of. Ironically, (especially for spiritual practitioners) because of our desire to be good and true, we can often get really ‘down’ on ourselves when we perceive ourselves to have failed there! But this is all in the past. And what we must drum in to our mind is the fact that the past is past, and there is no changing that! Why we keep going over it in our mind seems to be some kind of confused attempt to get rid of the painful memory by somehow ‘rewriting history’, or if we are in a down mood, sometimes it seems more about underlining to ourselves how ‘bad’ we are! But all of this is untrue. It is a confused attempt of the ego patterning to try to get free of suffering (the thorn in the side) but without knowing how. So we keep going over it, and if there is no awareness, we end up just reinforcing painful mental and emotional patterns, and a sense of ‘me/self’ as ‘that’… (like picking at a wound so it never gets to heal).

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By taking refuge in awareness (buddha-mind/wakefulness), we will see these patterns that are productive of suffering more and more clearly as just conditioned patterns of mind. We have to recognize memory as memory, a perception arising in the moment, triggered by a passing thought or feeling – it is not a solid ‘self’ per se, just a memory arising in the moment. If we don’t see this in the moment we tend to latch on to the perception as real, believe it to be ‘me’ and continue rolling with the endless story-making process of the mind (ruminating). And depending on the overall mood in the mind at the time, our perception will pick-up and reinforce either the ‘good’ or ‘bad’ memories and reinforce a sense of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ self.‍

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“The past is a memory, the future is the unknown, now is the knowing”. Ajahn Sumedho

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We have to learn to stay with awareness, and with a kindness and acceptance in the heart when we confront painful feelings, whether mental, emotional or physical. We can never do this perfectly but we can do it to the best of our ability. And the truth of the situation and the mind’s processes will show themselves more clearly. This will gradually clear up the confusion in the mind as to what’s real and what’s worth pursuing, giving energy to, and what’s not.

Kindness and compassion are a kind of portal in the heart to seeing more clearly the way things are. The softening of the mind state here undermines habitual resistance and judgement, and allows a natural calm and clarity to emerge.

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We also have to remember that we are human, and as humans, we are all working with a mind that is not yet fully awakened. A mind that is still swayed by confusion, greed and hatred at times. This is just the way it is. In the past, we were even more so swayed by these things, so when looking back its far too easy to see where we ‘got it wrong’, in hindsight. But actually, we made whatever choices or actions at the time to the best of our ability, while not yet being awakened, no matter how it turned out. No one knows how our decisions are going to turn out – we are often acting ‘blind’ so to speak. But in the process of things running their course we learn. But we also must learn not to hold grudges against ourselves. To forgive ourselves, and others, for blind mistakes that may have caused pain, is actually progress on the path. While we still can’t forgive, we are hanging on to painful emotions that are just creating more pain for ourselves (and others), unnecessarily so.

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One of the reasons why we can find ‘forgiveness’ difficult is that we are yet to fully accept with kindness the ‘hurt feelings’ when they arise in the heart. There is a conditioned resistance to pain that kicks in. Whether it is in relation to the memory of ‘someone else who hurt me’, or me feeling hurt and humiliated by memories of my own actions. For myself, I found that the feeling of ‘shame’ or ‘humiliation’ was very hard to open to and accept in my own heart, (when I really regretted doing something that made me look really ‘bad’). Forgiving myself only came gradually as I was able to look at and accept this feeling in the moment it was arising, and not hang on to it… (i.e. forgive myself – literally, give it up, surrender it!). Then, it is just a feeling that comes and goes. If we don’t grasp it, don’t hang on to it, and don’t keep re-identifying with it, the sense of self around it doesn’t keep getting reinforced. This is what the Buddha is pointing to. None of the feelings, perceptions, thoughts etc. are who and what we are in essence… they are just perpetually changing, conditioned patterns of the mind. We have to give rise to the wise patterning which leads to freedom from patterning, and let go of the conditioned dukkha-causing patterning.

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In the end, samsara is just a construction of conditioned thought patterns. It’s not that we have to get rid of and obliterate these patterns, we just have to wake up to them and not believe in them, or get caught in them. Our ‘path’ is alternating between ‘getting caught’ and ‘freeing ourselves’, over and over again, till we just don’t get caught anymore… the mind learns how not to get stuck anymore, and the old glue loses its stickiness!

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Here’s one simple technique to practice:

When a painful memory or feeling arises in the heart/mind, ask yourself:

“Where do I feel this in the body?”

And let your mind look for the corresponding physical sensations related to that painful memory or emotion.

Then, when you have that physical sensation/s in your inner mind’s eye, ask yourself:

“Can I just breath with this sensation/ feeling, just as it is, in this moment?”

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Don’t make it a demand… let these questions be open questions in the mind, just as I have written them here. This way the mind will enquire of its own, from its own genuine interest. (If you make it a closed question or a command, i.e. “do this… just breath…”, it has a very different affect). So, an open question and genuine enquiry as to what happens when you ask, “can I….?”‍

If you find you can breathe with the sensation just as it is, without expectation of it to go away or for anything to happen… just stay mindful and open and see if you can breathe in and out with the sensation in mind, and just keep feeling into it this way. No expectations. And see what happens.

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If it feels hard to breathe with the sensations, then just know that in the moment, and stay with whatever little movements of breath there may be, even if it feels constricted and unpleasant, just let it be and be as gentle with the process as you can.

Feelings of grief or tenderness may arise or other emotions too. The idea is just to stay with it, as gently and as openly as you can in the moment, allowing the breath to gently come in and out. If it feels ‘too much’ then you can gently let your attention rest elsewhere for a while, somewhere in the body that feels more comfortable and ‘safe’. Your own inner wisdom will start to guide you on in the process.

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Well, I’ve written quite a lot here, so it’s best I wrap up. I do hope that some of what I’ve said is helpful for you. As the wise Ajahn Chah used to say: “Take whatever is helpful, and leave the rest behind.”

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Sending you all good wishes and encouragement on your path of practice.

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‍Response from Ajahn Dhammadharo

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Dear xxx,

Yes, it is important to understand why we do Metta-bhavana or the cultivation of good-will/friendliness.

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Firstly, if you are coming at this from a place of conceptual thought, you might overthink the literal connotations of that particular method/phrase and come to the conclusion that it is futile or the cultivating of a wish that is unrealistic and impossible to realize.

I mean, I understand where you're coming from; the stock phrase "May all beings be happy and at ease, etc." can sound like a bit of a pipe-dream. But that is just a sentence; a string of words that some people find helps to generate Metta.

Really, the point is to generate Metta in whatever way works for you and experience the personal benefits of that state - primarily in your own mind and body - and then the knock-on effect in your interactions and relationships with those around you.

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The Buddha points out 11 benefits of this practice (Metta (Mettanisamsa) Sutta: Discourse on Advantages of Loving-kindness), such as better sleep, a brighter and clearer complexion, a more easily concentrated mind, the affection of others, and more.

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Do these benefits sound like magic waves of loving kindness that will go out through the whole world freeing limitless beings from their suffering overnight? Well, no. But are they genuine benefits that are worth the effort? Yes. I think so.

Think about the disadvantages of when we get lost in memories that fuel anger; the cultivation of ill-will and how that feels by comparison. Ill will doesn't feel good; it's ugly and it burns. But good will feels good, its cooling and brings ease and happiness within the heart of the cultivator.

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Also, we keep in mind that in Buddhism, Nibbana is the goal of the path and the Buddha said that this state of no suffering can be reached by anyone who practices in the right way. So, to wish this for all sentient beings is not unrealistic; It is the reason why he taught us, so that we could one day be free from all suffering.

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I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes,
Dhammadharo

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Response from Juewei Shi

(1) Marriage is a normal part of a householder’s domestic life. At Nan Tien Temple, some venerables are also marriage celebrants. Marriage is a commitment between two persons to respect and support each other for the rest of their lives. There are both civil/legal and religious/spiritual implications in such a union. In fact, a couple should not only make a marriage vow on their wedding day but also seek to renew their vows and talk about their relationship throughout their lives together. You may be interested in the following: http://www.fgsbmc.org.tw/en/ennews.aspx?NID=201701005.

(2) Buddhism encourages filial, respectful marriages. This article “Love Equals Respect” may be helpful to you: https://hsingyun.org/love-equals-respect/.

(3) The Sigālovāda Sutta is a good one to refer to.

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Response from Ayya Suvira

Thanks for getting in touch.  

Sometimes in recent years, some commentors on Buddhism have attempted to contrast Buddhism to Western or Abrahamic religion by giving variant interpretations of Buddhist ethics that focus on "skilfulness" only. This is not accurate.

There are two words in Pali language (an early Indian Buddhist language) for good and bad, pāpa (bad,evil) and puñña (good, meritorious) which are used in practice exactly like we would use the terms "good" or"bad" in English. 

Karma (kamma) means "action". There are good actions and bad actions. Sometimes actions are black and white and sometimes they are mixed. So therefore there can be good and bad karma.

I hope that helps.

With lovingkindness,

Ayya Suvira

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Another response from Bhante Dhammika

Dear xxx, Thanks for your question. First we must straighten something out. You ask’ “If there is no such thing as good and bad…” That is certainly not a Buddhism idea.  The Buddha made it very clear that good and bad (he more usually used the words ‘skillful’ and ‘unskillful’) are very real and definable categories. ‘Bad’ are thoughts, speech and actions that have their origins in greed, hatred and delusion and consequently have negative kammic consequences, i.e. they either hinder or destroy human flourishing both for the one who expresses them and sometimes for those they are directed towards. Good, or ‘skillful’ are opposite of this. And of course, there are also ethically neutral thoughts, speech and actions too, but that’s another story. Perhaps it would be good to read more about Buddhism to get some idea of its basic ethical theories.

Kind regard,

Bhante Dhammika

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‍Response from Ajhan Dhammadharo

Dear xxx, As far as Buddhists are concerned, the Brahma-viharas, of which the second is compassion, are so ubiquitous throughout the Buddhist Canon that it is accepted that they are part of the original teachings.

Also, the two primary qualities of a Buddha are wisdom and compassion. In the Buddha's biography, he initially decided not to teach the Dhamma because he felt it was too deep and subtle to be understood by the average person.

But then something happened: He was requested by a celestial being known as a Brahma to teach out of compassion for the world. One teacher in Thailand said that this change of heart was due to the Brahma-vihara in his own heart. For me, whether the catalyst was external or internal or both,if he isn't motivated by compassion, then what exactly? Why teach if not out of compassion for others?

I hope this is helpful Best wishes Aj. Dhammadharo.

Another response from Bhante Dhammika

Dear xxx, compassion is not in the Noble Eightfold Path because each step on the Path is right or perhaps better, complete (samma), and meant to contrast with and be an alternative to wrong (miccha) steps, and  from the Buddhist perspective at least, compassion that was wrong or incomplete would be better called maudlin sorrow or shallow pity.

I hope this helps, Bhante Dhammika

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Bhante Dhammika:

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Thanks for the interesting question. The use of the words ‘deserved’ and ‘undeserved’ are unhelpful here because they imply justice, reward, punishment, a force that is assessing behavior and delivering what is ‘deserved.’ It is more helpful to think of kamma as just cause or causes and effect or effects. So I will reword your question and then answer it. “Is all suffering caused by kamma?”  

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However, even this question is unhelpful because it  assumes that kamma is only about doing bad and receiving the result of it. Actually, kamma is about all our conscious, deliberate, intentional actions – positive/ethical and negative/unethical. So I’ll reword this question too. “Do we have any experiences that are not the result of kamma?”  And the answer is “Yes.” Dropping a brick on your foot and feeling pain, listening to a baby laugh and being delighted, getting caught in the rain and catching a cold, finding a beautiful sea shell on the beach and experiencing a sense of wonder – would all be examples of experiences that probably have nothing to do with kamma. According to the Buddhist analysis, kamma is only one of several causes of the experiences we have.

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Some of the others are genetic (bija niyama), natural (dhamma niyama), psychological causes (citta niyama), etc. So we can say that while all affects have a cause, not all causes are kammic. I hope this clarifies things a bit for you.

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Response from Ven Mettaji

Marriage celebrants have to be accredited by the Federal Government's Attorney General: https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/marriage/find-marriage-celebrant

By searching Buddhist and NSW you should come across: https://marriage.ag.gov.au/statecelebrants/other

CHODON Khandro Thrinlay, Rinpoche 11/115 Alt Street ASHFIELD NSW, 2131

Federation Of Australian Buddhist Councils Incorporated SAITO William Washo, Reverend 301 Eastern Valley Way MIDDLE COVE NSW, 2068

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Federation Of Australian Buddhist Councils Incorporated The Buddhist Council of New South Wales might be able to offer advice as well: https://www.buddhistcouncil.org/

My best to Shushann who might remember me from lay life as Stephen Mayers.

with kindness and gratitude,

 Venerable Mettaji (he/him).

Another response from Tina Ng (Mettacentre President)

I recommend Subhana; she officiated my wedding and she's great! https://subhana.com.au/marriage-celebrant/

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‍Response from Ajhan Dhammadharo

Dear xxx, There is the kind of mindfulness that we practice when in formal meditation which is generally more narrow in its focus and the kind that we practice in daily life while doing other things. This later one is what we could call "light practice" and is not so intense. Just try and keep your mind on the job and keep in mind what you have to do. When you drift off, start day dreaming or zoning out remind yourself to come back to what you are doing and use that as your object of mindfulness. Also, relevant to your question is the quality that goes along with mindfulness but rarely gets a mention: sampajañña ; all round self-awareness.

This is a broader kind of awareness that includes your external environment and the task you are doing. It is a kind of clear comprehension of what you are doing and why you are doing it. Or in simple terms as one good teacher put it to me "To know what you’re doing as you’re doing it". This is highly compatible with work and should increase the quality of your work so that your mind is more focused as you do it, you enjoy doing the task more, and you get to admire the higher quality outcome of whatever you are doing once you have done it.

I hope this is helpful Aj Dhammadharo

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‍‍Response from Bhante Dhammika

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Dear xxx,

‍

Thanks for the question about the “Japanese take” on hell. I’ve been a Buddhist monk for 47 years, and it’s the first time I’ve heard of this Mugen Jigoku notion.

There is a reason for that – I’ve spent all those years studying the “Buddha’s take” on reality, rather than how his teachings evolved and changed over the centuries, particularly in Japan, where it was profoundly influenced by Shinto and other aspects of Japanese culture.

So I’ll just give you a short intro to the earliest Buddhist understanding of hell.

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First of all, in English, the word hell usually refers to the Christian (and some other religions too) notion of hell – (1) a place of (2) eternal (3) punishment to which (4) God condemns those who were wicked or lacked faith in him after having judged them on the “Judgment Day”.

We Buddhists prefer to use the term purgatory – a (a) location or experience, of (b) limited duration, that (c) we construct for ourselves (d) by how we have intentionally thought, spoken or acted.

I say “location or experience” because, while sometimes the Buddha suggested it is a place, other times he suggested it was something we feel. According to him; “Uneducated ordinary people say that purgatory is under the sea. But I say that purgatory is really a name for painful experience” (Samyutta Nikaya IV,206).

Don’t worry about not being able to “get your head around” rebirth when there is no soul; a lot of people are unable to do it either.

A soul, Self or atman in Hinduism is an eternal essence which is the real person beyond the body and mind. As you correctly say, Buddhism rejects this idea.

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But there is what we can call an empirical self, myself as I experience it - self-consciousness, memories of the past, hopes for the future, orientation in space, a name, responding to that, urges and desires which persist, etc. traits and dispositions.

When the body drops away at death, all this – we can call it ‘mental energy’ - simply continues in a new body where it will continue to evolve.

Consider this! A mother might take out the family photo album and show her children photos of herself when she was a child. Science tells us that not one molecule in her body is the same as when she was young.

Her thoughts, ideas and beliefs are all different from when she was a child. Even her facial features when young, although vaguely similar, are hardly recognisable to her children.

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Even so, when the curious children ask their mother: “Is that you, mummy?”, and she answers “Yes”, no one would accuse her of lying.

Despite the fact that both body and mind are continually changing, it is still valid to say that the person who is reborn is a continuation of the person who died – just as it is to say that the child is the same as the adult- not because any unchanging soul or Self has passed from one to another, but because identity persists in memories, dispositions, traits, mental habits and psychological tendencies.

Thus, it is valid to say that an individual passes from one life to another and that one can experience in this life the result of kamma done in the previous life.

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I could say more, but that should be enough for the time being.

I hope it helps.

Bhante Dhammika

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‍Response from Gawaine Powell Davies

It is hard to face a time like this, especially if there are differences in your family. As it is your family-in-law they will presumably bear the greatest load, and will have to do so in whatever way works for them.You can support them best  if you are true to yourself but also respectful of their ways. Often just being there, non-judgmentally and supportive is the greatest gift you can offer. This can be a hard line to walk: do you have someone outside the situation who can support you?

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Another response from Thubten Chokyi

So sorry to hear your father in law is approaching death. So fortunate that you have the Dharma and some understanding about the death process. You can use this privately in your personal practice now and in the future. 

Now is the time to support your family and not to introduce ideas they are uncomfortable with. Accept where they are at. 

Most important is that your father in law and your mum feel supported, and have space to come to terms with what is happening. Of course deep down we all know that death is certain to come to us all, but our society doesn’t encourage us to speak openly about it, so many die like this,unprepared. Simply ask your Mum how you can best offer support. Check she is doing OK. 

Do your best to ensure your father in law is comfortable and well supported. Allow him to talk about his fears if he is ok to do that and encourage him to let these go if possible. Reassure him he is not contagious[unless of course he is due to illness]. If he doesn’t know what is wrong, seek medical advice if appropriate. If not, you can simply say that he is dying. 

Remind him of things or places or people that make his mind happy, his good memories. Remind him of the wonderful things he has done in his life if this uplifts him. If not, its ok just to be quiet. If he has some religious beliefs remind him of that. When the family are with him, do your best to create an environment of peace. Let them just be themselves. 

You yourself can be the beacon of peace and hope, love and acceptance. Just relax and be at ease with the family.  Don’t force anything. Appreciate the valuable opportunity you have to be there at this most important time of life. 

 You can always say prayers and mantras before visiting and meditate while there so you are peaceful and can help create a comfortable,peaceful environment. Medicine Buddha is a wonderful practice if you are familiar with it. 

For yourself down the track you can study more about the death process and how to help someone at the time of death. As you follow the Tibetan tradition which goes into great details, I recommend you read 

How to Help Your Loved Ones Enjoy Death and Go Happily to Their Next Rebirth: A Handbook by Lama Zopa Rinpoche  

Available for free download from https://fpmt.org/death/

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At the time of your father in law’s passing you can also add him to the requesting prayers done for the 49 days after the time of death, at fpmt.org/pfd

Fill out the information and this will go directly to His Holiness the Dalai, Lama Zopa RInpoche and the monasteries and nunneries of FPMT. You can also follow up with your Sakya lamas. 

Skies of prayers for you at this time. 

Chokyi

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‍Response from Bhante Jayasara

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xxx, This is a very traumatic experience to have to go through I'm sure. I would first start thinking about your options, are you able to move? If not, are there steps you can do to protect yourself and your home to make you feel safer? Spend some time pondering the more practical and secular aspects of your situation.

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Concurrently, reflect on the Dhamma and the nature of your existence. The Buddha encourages practitioners to reflect with mindfulness of death regularly. There are innumerable ways we can all die at any time every day, but we do not spend much time thinking about it because of fear and avoidance.

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To the average person it seems counterintuitive, but the more you contemplate these things, the more peace comes, and the less fearful and anxious you are. You can also reflect on anicca, impermanence and instability of all things. All things come and go, arise and cease, how often are there gunshots in your area compared to no gunshots? Is it a rare occurrence and this one occurrence keeps you fearful all the time?

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You can also practice Metta, give Metta out to all the people in your community, pervade the area all around your house with Metta often, you may be surprised by the results. Reflect on your experience like this and take practical actions you are able to take.

Be well and safe.

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With Metta,
Bhante Jayasara

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Response from Bhante Dhammika

Dear xxx, thanks for the question. It will not be possible to answer it in detail without you having a good grounding in the Dhamma so I’ll do my best give you a brief and simplified answer. If I asked you whether or not you existed you would probably answer you do.  If I then asked you what does it mean ‘to exist’ you might say that you have a body that is conscious of the world around it, that you can remember your past and imagine a future for yourself, that you have an orientation in space, that you feel, think, solve problems, etc.

Well, none of that would be  applicable for someone who had attained Nirvana and thus that they would have ceased to ‘exist.’ Then are they annihilated? Of course the word ‘they’ here keeps pulling us back into the exist/doesn’t exist language and thinking,  so let’s rephrase it. Is there nothing but nothingness? Someone asked the Buddha “Does the one who has Nirvanaized cease to exist or is he eternal?”

The Buddha replied: “There is no measuring one who has Nirvanaized. Those things by which one  could speak of him are no longer present and when all phenomena have been removed then all ways of speaking of him have also been removed (Sn.1076). Two things are relevant here – (a) if it were annihilation the Buddha could have and would have said so, and (b)  that language can’t capture the nature of the Nirvanic state. At other times he described Nirvana  as rest, freedom,the highest happiness, security, etc. mainly positive descriptions.

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Sorry xxx, that’s the best I can do.  

Kind regards,

Bhante Dhammika

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‍Response from Bhante Dhammika

Dear xxx, thanks for the interesting although I must say, highly theoretical question.

First off, if you do a bit more reading you’ll come to know that Buddhism rejects the idea of a soul. Check-up anatta or the doctrine of non-self in your reading material. To  your question. As you no doubt know, humans like other, species did not appear suddenly, rather, they evolved slowly, very slowly, from more primitive species. By ‘primitive’ we mean ‘less complex’.  

In relation to your question, this refers to the size and structure of the brain which could be seen as analogous to a radio speaker that picks up and broadcasts radio waves.The less complex the brain, the less complex consciousness it can ‘broadcast.’In we humans, our gradual evolution allows to have more complex and sophisticated thought and emotional patterns.

We notice that our pets (cats and especially dogs) certainly are more mentally advanced than cows, sheep and reptiles.  Perhaps we could speculate that in several million years from now cats and dogs, etc. might have evolved to the same level we are at. Quite simply, the complexity of the brain gives scope for a more complex consciousness. I am not saying that consciousness is a product of the brain, in which case, you’ll ask ‘So where does this consciousness come from?’ Let’s leave that question for the time being.

But to your question. How were and are animals able to attain Nirvana? They weren’t and they are not able to. If  over time they are able to be reborn in bodies slightly more complex bodies they may eventually be able to have that opportunity.

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Kind regards, Bhante Dhammika.

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Another response from Bhante Jayasara :

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The Buddhist Cosmos is very large, with many world systems and a variety of ways of existing. We as beings in samsara are reborn into all these types of existences. we go from life to life. There is a whole Universe ( and who knows what else?) out there for beings to come to birth.

The Earth at one time did not exist, and in the future it will not exist again, but beings continue to be born according to their kamma, and in some more evolved beings, wherever they may be, can understand the Dhamma and practice it.

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Response from Ayya Suvira

Hi xxx,

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Thanks for getting in touch via Ask a Buddhist. These are good questions!

To introduce myself, I am a bhikkhuni (ordained nun) in the Theravada tradition based at Mettarama Nuns' Monastery in Sydney.

The answer I am giving is informed by a set of texts called the suttas, which record the early teachings of the Buddha and his disciples. As these texts don't address your hypothetical question exactly, I'm just humbly offering themes and some thoughts inspired by the texts. It's possible that different angles on the same themes could also be explored. I have used a very small handful of words in Pali language like anatta and kamma to describe Buddhist doctrinal concepts- they should all be explained in the reply itself, but if you need clarification please do let me know.

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The Buddha taught about anatta or "non-self", which means we don’t have a permanent essence, because everything we are made up of is constantly changing. Our bodies and minds constantly do things that we don’t like and can’t control, like getting sick, old and then dying, which is a lot of suffering! Even things that we might have assumed to be “me” or “mine”, like our consciousness, are part of this process of change, so we can’t say they are really “ours” either. But because of our misperception of permanence in what is impermanent and happiness in what is suffering, we get trapped into self-identification.

This mistaken self-identification, also known as "ignorance", is where all our problems start, according to the Buddha. The opposite of ignorance- whereby we have full insight into non-self, is called "enlightenment", or more accurately, "awakening", which is the goal of Buddhism. Buddhist practice aims to give up our selfish-ness at the very deep level of insight.

Kamma (=Sanskrit: karma) means “action”,especially morally significant action, which is defined as volitional (intended) actions in Buddhism. These actions can be “coloured” by their ethical quality: good, bad or mixed. Some core concepts of belief in kamma include that our actions in this life have consequences (vipāka) in this life and in future lives. Buddhists seek to cultivate good kamma, another term for which is merit (puñña). Merit is that which increases our capacity to have positive, joyful experiences.The Buddha said, “merit is another term for happiness” (see Iti 22: Māpuññabhāyi Sutta). This connection between good kamma and happiness very important, because being happy is what helps our minds settle in meditation, which is the basis for insight into non-self.

What we believe about kamma and anatta will have a direct impact on how easy it is for us to make sacrifices, because we will see the long-term benefit of giving and have less possessive self-identification. However, the hypothetical given may nonetheless require some special attention.

Your example had been of a friend giving their life for a friend on a battlefield. For the purpose of the answer, I'm not going to ask whether they were in a combatant or non-combatant role- I just assume that they were physically located on a battlefield. 

The Buddha wanted us to be loving toward each other: being loving is very, very good kamma. Even though life is complex, and people are complex, with many different fears,hopes and emotions, we can always try to cultivate the best and most pure loving intention for the welfare of our fellow sentient beings, no matter what the circumstances. How that loving intention is actualised in the physical world isn’t going to be the same for all people at all times, just like every cake that is cooked is never exactly the same cake as the one in the recipe-book. This is part of the unique wonder of us as human beings with personalities and agency and conscience and individual histories, and not a short-coming.

The willingness to give one's own life for a truly noble goal- such as spreading the Buddha's teachings in the distant land of Suparanta- has been acknowledged positively in Buddhist sources, including in the early teachings (see SN35.88 Puṇṇa Sutta at link). But there is nonetheless no compulsion in our choices. In the particular case referenced, there are many awakened beings who don't make the dangerous journey to Suparanta. In addition to great love, there is also such a thing as equanimity in Buddhism.An important reflection for Buddhists is that we all fare on according to our kamma: in the hypothetical given, it might not be clear that there are right or wrong actions as much as there are just "actions with consequences". 

One of the things I remember most clearly from my brief stint at law school was being told that when laws are written as prohibitions e.g. don’t do x, it gives us more freedom than when laws are written as duties, e.g. you must do x. Buddhist ethics also has this spirit of freedom, too: the fact that the Buddha said to"train in not-killing", as opposed to giving us a duty "to always give our lives", gives us a lot of freedom in how we choose to react to the unique circumstances that life throws at us. As long as we don’t kill, we are free to do 999 other things, and to act on the Buddha’s teachings on compassion in a way that works for us. “999 other things” includes the possibility of deeply felt, rare and marvellous sacrificial actions motivated by love, but nonetheless does not exclude the possibility of harmless actions motivated by more everyday concern for one’s own well-being and safety. The fact we have undertaken a spiritual path doesn’t mean that we cease to be human: the full range of normal, kind human responses, and the ethical balancing that normal human responses usually entail, is still completely open to us.

I hope that helps with the hypothetical. Most of our life choices thankfully aren’t that extreme, and the challenge is often more about how to live a generous life (which we can do daily) rather than how to die for others (which we can only do once this time around). If someone wants to give their life for someone, they can, if they don't want to, that is OK too. In any case, we can still aim to cultivate the perception of impermanence to sever the deep roots of selfishness and become awakened beings. 

With lovingkindness,

Another response from Bhante Dhammika

Dear xx, I note that you have asked three questions. I must tell you that that the nature of the self and the doctrine of karma are both quite complex teachings, and a brief explanation of the usually confuses more than it clarifies. If you’re really interested and would like a full explanation, let me know and I’ll send you one.  

As for your third question, I send you a passage from the Buddha’s famous Sigalavada Sutta with the original of the relevant part. “The friend who is the same in happiness and sorrow, is a genuine friend in four ways: he shares his secrets with you; he keeps the secrets you tell him; he does not let you down when things get hard; and he would even give his life for you” (jīvitaṃ  pi’assa atthāya pariccattaṃ  hoti).

Kind regards, Bhante Dhammika

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‍Response from Ajan Dhammadharo

To answer your question about becoming an organ donor from a Buddhist perspective, I think the first thing is to be clear within your self about what your reasons are for doing it. Then just wait for a good time and talk to your parents about it. But don't approach them with a desire to win the argument; just speak from the heart about why you want to do it and see what they say.

If they are totally against it and it is really going to upset them then you have to ask yourself if it’s worth being at logger heads with your own parents / family over this when there are many other ways to donate / many other ways to be a donor. I understand that being an organ donor might be a very important thing to you at the moment but so is your relationship with our parents so you don't want it to be an ongoing cause of conflict and tension and angst between you.

if it is, you might put this one to the side for a year or two and consider other things you can do like donate blood or plasma in the meantime. Then revisit the idea later on. It is indeed quite a gift to offer an organ or organs that could save someone’s life when you don't need them anymore so obviously it is a noble gift to give.

But in the original teachings of the Buddha, I don't remember anything about donating one’s own body parts at all. He talks about other things, such as one passage where he cites many different gifts and their meanings, such as, "To give clothing is to give beauty, to give a lamp is to give vision, to give a vehicle is to give comfort, to give a residence is to give all these things.

But to give the Dhamma is to give the Deathless (to share the spiritual gift of Dhamma is the highest gift because it leads to complete freedom from suffering) If you are creative you can find all sorts of ways to donate / be a donor; almost anything under the Sun can be given freely with a heart of good-will. 

I hope this is helpful  

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I would like to discuss the possible negative or adverse effects from meditation. This question is pre-emptive as I have not so far encountered any trouble as a beginner, however I would like more information on this topic as I do personally prone to depression and it is an illness I have managed long term. So far in my Buddhist journey I have come to understand that mediation is not meant to be an escape nor a source of pleasure, so I would like to be better equipped with handling not so pleasant experiences or effects if you have any knowledge or experience in this.

With much appreciation, x

Background Information : Currently medicated long term for depression 6+ years

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 Response from Robert

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Dear xxx,

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I like very much your question about the possible adverse effects of meditation. It’s a question that, sadly, too many people don’t ask as they naively think what could possibly be wrong with just closing your eyes and sitting still for a while.

I say “naively” because we all think we know ourselves; we might manage a business, a family, look after elderly parents, negotiate the signing of important corporate contracts, be a government spokesperson, buy and manage a property or three, etc. All of these things, and more, are responsible jobs that require knowledge and independence; However, from a Buddhist point of view, they are all distractions that don’t allow us to devote any time in discovering who we really are.

Meaning: we may have all these social responsibilities, but what are our personal responsibilities to ourselves? Who are we exactly? Why are we here, and where are we going? To prove the point, all we have to do is remove our job, family, and friends from our life, and we are lost. Our personality and very existence depends on those external factors.

Not knowing this about ourselves can create a lot of unconscious problems.

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For example, when people first try to meditate, they may think that meditation brings back all sorts of things to mind that they,

(1) don’t want to think about, e.g., a certain traumatic experience, or

(2) they start remembering all sorts of silly things about their life.

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Some people, once again, naively think that their life was much happier before they started to meditate as they didn’t have to think about those things. The point is, those thoughts are always with us, night and day, buried in our subconscious, and it isn’t until we start looking at our mind that those thoughts start to arise.

What frightens people is that they can’t control them; we’re used to controlling everything in our life, but when something like this happens it can be very scary, and that’s when people back away from meditation and potentially from Buddhism altogether.

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The key here is to be slowly introduced to our mind, rather than rushing in as if we’re exploring an old abandoned castle - peering into every door, hoping to find something that will satisfy our curiosity. This approach can be dangerous if we don’t know our own psychology.

If we dig too deeply, we might confront something that triggers us in a negative way. Keep in mind, our whole life is spent hiding our flaws from other people, tolerating people we don’t like, doing things due to peer group pressure, conforming to social norms, etc.

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All this becomes routine, but underneath, in the subconscious, all the while we are subtly resisting. Why are we resisting? Our intuition tells us these things don’t feel right. However, because we wish to belong to, and be part of a group of people, we push ourselves.

The result of this, in the long run, can be having a mid-life crises, health issues, relationship breakdowns, or worse.

I’m not sure what kind of meditation you are doing exactly - perhaps your meditation is more therapeutic in nature, such as calm breathing or visualizing calming rays of light? If this approach works for you and you feel comfortable with it, then by all means continue with what you have learned.

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However, I hope you aren’t doing all of this by yourself, and you do have someone more experienced to guide you in your meditation? Talk to your meditation teacher about anything that troubles you, that is the most direct and simplest way to resolve any issues.

The other thing is, you mentioned having depression. If you are on any medication, please continue to take the medication as per doctor’s advice. In conjunction with medical help, you can do purification practices to help with your meditation practice, and Dharma practice overall.

The best form of purification practice I can recommend, at this point in time, would be to do the Green Tara practice along with the 21 Praises to Tara. This is a very simple and powerful practice.

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Each of the 21 Taras embodies specific qualities. For instance, some Taras assist with longevity, while others help clear obstacles, promote wealth, or alleviate sickness. If you have faith and sincerity there is no doubt that you will receive Arya Tara’s blessings.

Ask for guidance in your meditation. Ask for clarity of mind and success in your practice, then – as you recite the mantra of Green Tara – visualize green light coming from her heart and filling your whole body, meditate on this for a while.

Feel that your body and mind is being healed, and all negativities done in speech, thought, and physical action, over aeons of lifetimes is purified. Putting yourself in Arya Tara’s guidance will help greatly.

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xxx, I hope I have been able to address your question in some small way. The most important thing is don’t stop asking questions until you have removed all doubt from your mind. What you are doing is not easy, nor is it a common thing that most people wish to do. Reach out to us here at anytime and don’t feel as if you alone on this path.

May you swiftly see Tara’s enlightened face.

Robert

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‍Response from Robert

Hi, xxx. Thank you for your question.

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Put simply, the purpose of meditation is to access, at the core, the root of all our problems –our negative thinking, the origin of those thoughts, their development and how they deceive us into making mistakes and thereby denying us of gaining our full potential. In the beginning a lot of people, when they attempt to meditate become inundated with all sorts of thoughts, where they left their car keys,things they did as a child, people they hated at work, etc…with each of those thoughts comes an accompanying emotion and that emotion in turn is the product of our conscious grasping at that particular thought.

In other words, we give life/meaning to those thoughts, they are now empowered to produce an action. So, people become very confused and frustrated when they try to meditate, a lot of people give up meditation as they think it’s faulty in some way and is making them very confused, “and it’s making me remember things from my past I don’t want to think about!”

In that kind of situation, for a person who is repressing a trauma of some kind, meditation is out of the question as it would be psychologically hurtful. Proper guidance is needed by someone who can lead us through our own psychological labyrinth, give us guidance to the level we are able to understand at the present time. This shows how clue-less we are to our own nature of the mind!

That “clue-lessness” is what the Buddha calls ignorance,ignorance of ourselves and ignorance of all reality. So, meditation in its truest form is all about discovering who we are, and through that realization how the world around us operates. By doing that we are using this human life to its full potential, that now becomes a cause to be free from all suffering,better known as enlightenment, which is the goal from a Buddhist point of view.

Meditation techniques such as breathing, visualization,mantra recitation, they act as a support to our gaining wisdom, on their own these techniques become therapeutic ways to calm the mind but not access it –which is the heart of all our problems. For example, a person may have had a heated argument with someone, if they know how, they can use breathing techniques to slow down their breathing allowing them to calm down, then they could visualize (for example) Buddha Chenrezig in front of them, and by reciting Chenrezig’s mantra they could peacefully purify the negative karma (i.e.,action) of getting angry – but this is only temporary the anger will arise again at some future time, it hasn’t cut off the angry mind at its very foundation, for that you actually need to meditate on the origin of anger thereby cutting it off at the root.

Additionally, the prerequisite for meditation is concentration, and in turn the prerequisite for concentration is ethical conduct. In other words, in order to meditate to gain the optimum potential of this life, we need to have a high standard of ethical conduct in order to develop concentration, and from there we can go on to meditate in its truest sense.

xxx, if you have any questions about what I have said, or any further questions, please feel free to email me at any time.

Yours in the Buddhadharma, Robert

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‍Response from Bhante Dhammika

Dear xxx, thanks for the question which unfortunately suggests several misunderstandings about kamma.

(1). Firstly, the brothers couldn’t “have the same kamma.” Kamma is the act; vipāka is the result of the act. So your question should be“do they have the same vipāka.”

(2). Although they may have committed the same or similar crimes, their kammic background (from their previous lives) is unlikely to have been the same, indeed it could have been very different, and this of course would have some impact on their vipāka in the present life, even though they committed similar crimes in the present life.

(3). As it's impossible to know anyone’s kammic background,let alone the exact motives behind their acts in the present life, speculating about what vipāka might or might not result from what they do is an exercise in futility.

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(4). For this reason, the Buddha actually said that trying to figure out the complex workings of kamma would send you mad! A point worth thinking about. However, we can know something about our own actions and motives and so that’s where the focus of our attention should be.

Kind regards,

Bhante Dhammika

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‍Dear xx, One aspect of Buddhism that I like-that I don't find in Christianity, is that Buddhism doesn't ask for blind faith. Something the Buddha said was to come see for yourself/experience it yourself. But then the Buddha also talks about rebirth and kalpa. That doesn't seem like something I could experience. That feels like the only mystic part of Buddhism. It doesn't make sense to me.

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Here are some possibilities: 1. You can actually experience it when you've become enlightened. 2. It's something that Buddha didn't say, but was later added on to Buddhism over the millennia of its existence . 3. Maybe he had to create it, so that the concept of karma was consistent.

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Because then if you didn't get bad after doing bad, it doesn't mean that karma is wrong, it's just that you might get it in the next lifetime. (I don't think he would do something like that though). Could you give me your thoughts on this matter please? Thank you for your time, xxx

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Response from Bhante Dhammika:

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Dear xxx,

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Thanks for the interesting question.

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There is a good private school not far from me, and one of their selling points is: "We turn out leaders for tomorrow." And perhaps they do. But I can only assume that if you enrolled in the school and hadn't become a "leader of tomorrow" within a few days, you'd be disappointed.

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Of course, becoming a leader of tomorrow is possible under certain circumstances:

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- Paying attention during lessons
- Doing homework
- Pushing yourself
- Graduating with good marks so you can go on to university

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All of which takes time. Then excelling in some field and perhaps becoming a leader might be possible.

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Yes, the Buddha did say "come and see" (ehipassico), but he also said that his Dhamma is "a gradual training, a gradual doing, a gradual path" (anupubba sikkhā, anupubba kiriyā, anupubba paṭipadā), which requires:

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- Spiritual training
- Application
- Time

I think you'll get the point I'm making.

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Kind regards,
Bhante Dhammika.

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‍Response from Bhante Joe

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Greetings xxx,

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In Buddhism, the cause of suffering is taṇhā. It is often translated as 'craving', but is probably closer to 'thirst'.

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There are three types of taṇhā that are the cause of suffering:

1. kāma-taṇhā (craving for sensuality),

2. bhava taṇhā (craving for becoming) and

3. vibhava taṇhā (craving for non-becoming). These three kinds of desires don't cover every type of desire.

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A monk who has finished the path will still have desires. Even an arahant needs desire to cross the road safely or to teach others. However, their desires will not be motivated by any of the three types of taṇhā (craving). Developing in the Buddhist path requires desire. The desire that leads one to put forth effort to develop the noble eightfold path is often called 'chanda' in the Pali canon.

There is a paradox in the Canon. Ajahn Thanissaro has referred to this paradox as 'the paradox of becoming'. The desire (chanda) to develop the path leads one to take on increasingly skillful states of 'becoming' (bhava). One becomes a person who keeps the precepts, one becomes a person who is mindful, one becomes a person who is concentrated, etc.

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In order to develop more skillful states of becoming, one lets go of less skillful states. One trades being immoral for being moral, scattered for being mindful, unconcentrated for being concentrated, etc. This requires one to give up the pleasures that come with immorality and distraction. It requires desire and effort because it's hard to give up things we like, but that we know are not good for us. Taking on states of becoming in this way is like climbing a ladder. Once one gets to the top, one can let go of the ladder and jump on the roof.

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One keeps taking on more skillful states of becoming until one can see the dissatisfaction in becoming itself and let go of it entirely. The Buddha gives the simile of the raft, which illustrates this point (among others). There is a near shore, which is dangerous, and a further shore, which is safe. A man desiring safety comes to the near shore and takes materials to make a raft. Having finished the raft, he then makes an effort to paddle the raft across to the far shore. It's only when he reaches the further shore that he lets go of the raft. Then, he stands safe on dry land.

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So, a better way to frame the question is not whether learning French involves desire, but whether the desire to learn French is in line with the Buddha's teachings. A lot of that would depend on how one intends to use it. Is one hoping to use French to get a job that is in line with right livelihood? What is one hoping to do with the friends one makes with one's newfound language knowledge? These types of questions can help to illuminate whether learning French will be a skillful state becoming.

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They can help to show if it will be a step up the ladder or another lashing on the raft -- a support in one's efforts to end suffering.

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With Metta,
~Bhante Joe

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This is a practical question. Currently, we have a two wasp nests in our backyard. We have an outdoor cat, that chases anything that moves (including beetles and ants). We also hangout on the backyard. We're worried about wasps harming our cat and ourselves. For the two nests, one we can reach, one we cannot reach.

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Therefore we think we'd need professional services to remove them and keep us from harm. However, the professional services cannot remove wasp nests without killing at least some of wasps. What are the wise actions to take in this situation?

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Response from Robert:

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Hi xxx,

Thank you for asking a very practical question. From a Buddhist perspective, it is rare that we are not directly or indirectly involved in hurting sentient beings in one way or another. For example, think about how our food is grown, harvested, and prepared. Another example would be when we are building a house or clearing land, etc. It is very difficult to do something without affecting someone else in the process.

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If you are thinking of calling professionals to remove the wasps, check your motivation in your heart and not your head. Do you truly want harm to come to these insects? No. Can you live with them around? No.

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Second step, and this may sound a little "out there," but this is what Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo did when she had an ant infestation once. She went over to the ant's nest and verbally explained the situation, pros and cons. Then she gave them some time to take action before she started to clear the land for whatever purpose she needed.

Get as near as you can to the wasps without irritating them. Verbally explain that something has to give, you don't wish them harm, and hope they can find a better, safer place to live.

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Secondly, with faith and clarity:

1. Recite the praises to 21 Taras as many times as you can in one sitting. Ask Tara for guidance and help.
2. Take refuge.
3. Generate Bodhichitta.
4. Recite the mantra of Buddha Chenrezig, the Buddha that encompasses all the compassion of the Buddhas - Om Mani Padme Hung.

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When reciting this, clearly visualize Chenrezig sitting on a lotus above the wasp's nests. As you recite the mantra, strongly visualize white light coming from his heart and blessing you and the wasps. What you feel, i.e., in terms of blessing, so do the wasps feel the same.

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Why is this important? It's important because you create a positive karmic connection with the wasps and not a negative connection - keeping in mind you are the one who is going to call the "professionals" to remove them. It's your karma, i.e., your action. And if you get, for example, your husband to call the professionals, you are still party to the outcome. Be mindful of our actions.

Do all of the above well before the nests are removed, try to do it on a daily basis, make it your practice. Remember, when it comes to mantra recitation, it is quality over quantity.

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As you recite the praises to the 21 Taras, visualize that an image of each Tara, as you say her name, absorbs into your heart. As you chant the Chenrezig mantra, clearly visualize Buddha Chenrezig there over the nests - note, when doing this, you can be inside your room, you don't have to be outside, just as long as you can clearly and strongly visualize Buddha Chenrezig over the nests.

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Because the mantra is short, you can say it many times, but focus more on the quality of your visualization and recitation. Develop strong compassion for the wasps, and have strong regret should they get killed or hurt. This is the best that you can do. And leave it at that. Don't feel guilty, just compassion and regret.

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After the nests have been removed, continue with the above practices for at least a week - of course, it would be great if you could do them for the rest of your life!

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Do not feel happy that they are gone; think sadly that they have the karma to be born into that state and the suffering that they must endure. Where will they be reborn after this life? (Pray that they take rebirth as a person who has a connection with the Buddhadharma like you do).

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Support this experience with scriptural studies, e.g., contemplate on this precious birth that you have, think about death and the transition that will happen afterwards - "will I be born as a wasp?" Contemplate about karma.

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So, from this one act, all of the Buddha's teachings can be put into practice, provided we know what we're doing!

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I wish you all the best. Happy holidays and a wonderful new year!

If you have any questions about what I have written, or any other Dharma questions, feel free to email me at any time, that's what I'm here for.

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Yours in the Buddhadharma,
Robert

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‍Response from Bhante Dhammika:

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Dear xxx,

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Thanks for the question.

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In a sense, your question starts with a problem – “We are supposed to…” – like the related ones “Are Buddhists allowed to…” or “The Buddha forbade us from…”, which I hear or read so often. Actually, the Buddha was not a law-giver, like Jehovah, Moses, or Muhammad, who was into forbidding or requiring. He had awakened to certain truths and then shared them with others, explaining why he thought behaving in certain ways was “skillful” and others “unskillful”.

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What the people who listened to him did after that was up to them.

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Now, to the example you give in your question. I think many people ruminate about the various tragedies around the world, wring their hands, and worry, which, as you say, causes mental suffering. But, in my experience, most do this:

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- Argue with others about who’s to blame for the conflict
- Debate what should be done about it

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But beyond that, do nothing meaningful to help solve the conflict or alleviate the suffering.

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Often, there is nothing you could do. In either case, it’s a bit of a waste of time, perhaps even an indulgence.

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On the other hand, there may well be suffering-causing problems:

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- In one’s own country
- In one’s own state
- Perhaps in one’s own city or town

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Where you could actually do something meaningful to help. Perhaps not as popular as:

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- Joining a demonstration
- Signing a petition

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But which could improve someone’s life. If you became aware of such a problem, and your worrying about it prompted you to do something about it, and if, as a result, your action or involvement helped solve the problem, then your worry would have been worthwhile.

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Pain has a useful purpose, even if it's someone else’s – it tells us that something is wrong. It becomes meaningless and, from a Buddhist perspective, useless, if it does not motivate us to act.

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Kind regards,
Bhante Dhammika.

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I have recently accepted a low-paid job in mental health as part of a career change, but turned down a well-paying job in marketing as a result. I am seeking Buddhist guidance about Right Livelihood, and to know more about what it means. I want to make the right decision about Right Livelihood. At the same time, I am worried about foolishly turning down opportunities for greater immediate financial security.

Thank you for your help.

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Tradition: Zen or Mahayana.

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Background Information: I have a background in teaching and writing. I am studying a part-time Masters in Psychology as part of an intended career transition into the field of mental health, with the idea of becoming a therapist. This is an exciting and challenging path, which I have so far enjoyed, but it comes at financial and effort cost. Sometimes, I am conflicted about whether it was a wise decision or not. Then, I ask myself what a Right Livelihood would be.

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Response from Bhante Dhammika

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Dear xxx,

‍

Thanks for that important question. There are several places where the Buddha gives guidance on work, and in each case, he speaks of earning your living "by strength of arm and sweat of brow, obtained lawfully and justly." The words in this last part are dhammikehi dhammaladdehi.

Dhamma here refers firstly to legality, so a livelihood should be within the bounds of the law of the land. But because not everything legal is necessarily fair, this second part is added. Ideas of fairness differ from one place and time to another, but I think most people know what it is when they see it.

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In another place, the Buddha lists five livelihoods he recommended avoiding:

1. Selling weapons
2. Human beings
3. Meat
4. Alcohol
5. Poison

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Many more could be added today. However, it would be legal to purvey such products today (except humans), and not cheat one's supplier or customer. The Buddha considered them wrong because, in one way or another, they would be detrimental to life.

So, we could say that a right livelihood (sammā ājiva) would be:

- Legal
- Fair
- Socially life-enhancing
- Or at least contribute positively to society in one way or another.

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Of course, our world is very different today than it was in the 5th century BC – more complex and interconnected – but I think the basic principles given here provide a good framework to work with.

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Kind regards,
Bhante Dhammika

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Bhante Dhammika:

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As with other religions, there are different ideas between different Buddhists about some matters, including about same sex relationships. ‘Officially’ Buddhism has no rules concerning who one marries. Individual Buddhists may have their own ideas about such matters.

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My reading of the Buddha’s teachings is that the Buddha was primarily concerned with the quality of our intimate relationships, not with the gender of our partner. Kindness, mutual sharing, loyalty, genuine love, etc. are far more important than what kind of genitals one’s partner has. ‍

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Editor’s note: Anyone who is LGBTQI+, or an LGBTQI+ ally, may be interested to look into Rainbodhi, a LGBTQIA+ Buddhist Community – https://rainbodhi.org/.

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Response from Ayya Jitindriya:

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Dear xxx,

‍

It's great that you're reaching out to ask for help.

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I would recommend cultivating a meditation based on kindness and acceptance. In Buddhism, we call it 'Metta': loving-kindness.

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It is especially helpful for:

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- Overcoming fear and aversion in general
- Learning how to be kind to oneself and others
- Working skillfully with all kinds of painful sensations (whether physical, mental or emotional)

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There are different ways you can do this kind of meditation, and there are probably many guided meditations on the internet you can find to help you.

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You can search:

- Guided loving kindness meditation
- Guided metta meditation

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Here is a link to a series of short guided meditations I made on 'Embodying Awareness and Kindness' which you may find helpful: (https://vivekahermitage.com/embodying-awareness-metta/)

You'll also find other guided meditations there to explore.

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Wishing you all the best on your journey.

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Kind regards,
Ayya Jitindriya

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Another response from Robert :

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Hi xxx!

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Firstly, if you are seeing a psychologist for your anorexia, please continue to do so. If you aren’t seeing a psychologist currently, then please consider seeing one, as no one method can cure everything. This is how complex we are! A combination of body and mind, and the mind is the primary mover for everything we do. Anorexia is a psychological condition. And if you are hearing voices, intuitively or in an auditory way, then meditation is the last thing that you need to do.

The thing about meditation that people don’t realise is that it isn’t about switching off the mind and floating downstream, so to speak. This actually dulls the mind; it doesn’t sharpen it.

Why? Because an escapist form of meditation compounds our problems by psychologically suppressing them and not confronting them. When we use the mind to resolve the problems of the mind, then our mind becomes very sharp and nimble.

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You can see that if you talk to serious lifelong meditators; the older they get, the sharper their mind becomes, and the happier they are. That is the way you can tell who is truly practicing and who isn’t – i.e., the older they get, the more relaxed and comfortable they become about life and themselves. The other thing that people don’t realise about meditation is that we need to have the karma for it. Karma means action, in body, speech, and mind.

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In other words, we need to create the right cause in order for us to sit down calmly and look within. To do that, we need to purify any and all obstacles to that end. In psychology, you would never hear the word “purify.” It would be more, “outgrow,” or “mature.”

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But, as I am talking from a Buddhist context, the Buddha says that there is nothing that we cannot purify. The most precious thing we have is this body. Our mind, when left alone, flutters around like a scared bird trapped inside a house, banging its head into windows trying to get out.

With a healthy and intact body, we can slowly learn to control our mind, taming it like a wild elephant and making it serviceable to our wishes. In essence, this is what the Buddha taught for a happy life. To perceive our body as a problem in some way is a clear indication of heavy karmic obscuration, meaning – we cannot tell what is good and what is bad for us.

Somewhere along the line, we have become confused between the psychological image we have of ourselves and the physical persona we possess. From a Buddhist point of view, our body is the direct result of past karmic actions.

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For example, the karma accumulated for offering light to holy objects – such as pictures and statues of the Buddha, or stupas containing relics – we accumulate the karma to have a pleasing human form. However, the direct cause for being reborn as a person who has the opportunity to come in contact with the Buddha’s teachings lies in maintaining a high standard of morality. This human form can serve as the vehicle we use to help others.

By using our mind, we can study and become anything we wish – including becoming a Buddha! There are no limits. The Buddha teaches us how to use our body, not how to abuse our body. This is something that you need to contemplate on over and over again until the penny drops for you. For a world that is obsessed with time and money, we easily give our time to others, forgetting in the process to save some time for ourselves. Is it any wonder that loneliness and alienation are so prevalent in our society?

Purification is a process wherein we invoke the guidance of an enlightened being, a Buddha. By willingly opening ourselves to their compassion and wisdom in the form of white light and nectar coming from their heart into our body, we receive the strength to clear the karmic obstacles that we currently possess.

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Additionally, we gain clarity in distinguishing what we need to adopt (that which benefits us) and what we need to abandon (that which harms us in some way). If you wish to meditate, i.e., to place your mind on a virtuous object and focus on it for as long as you wish, there is no better way to start than by meditating on the body of an enlightened being. In this case, it is Buddha Chenrezig. If the compassion of all the Buddhas of the three times (the past, present and future) and from all ten directions were to manifest in physical form, it would resemble Buddha Chenrezig.

Here we’re visualising Chenrezig in his four-armed form. Simply seeing an image of Chenrezig puts us in a positive state of mind. Visualise Chenrezig in front of you as a living three-dimensional figure, like a hologram.

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If you were Buddhist, you would take refuge at this point. However, it is alright to simply request Chenrezig to help. Here, it is very important to understand that Chenrezig is not judging you in any way; they accept you as you are. No funny looks, no snide remarks, just heartfelt compassion. Next, say that you will do this practice not only to help yourself but also all others who are going through the same situation. Always think of others and share your merit and virtue with them.

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As you recite Chenrezig’s short mantra, OM MANI PADME HUNG, (HUNG is pronounced as “Hoong”), visualize that white light with a gentle pink tinge comes from Chenrezig’s heart centre.

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It enters your body from the crown of your head, filling every aspect of your body with pure healing light. Think strongly that this is physically happening. Focusing on the mantra is the meditation. What you are seeing (white light) and feeling (light filling your body) is the by-product of that meditation.

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Within that white light, in your body, let go of:

- Physical or mental pain
- Insecurity
- Hate
- Self-loathing
- Disappointment
- Confusion

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Absolutely everything dissolves into that light. Think of a tar-black glacier, which represents all your negativities, collapsing and melting into that light. Physically let go of that “tar-black glacier”; don’t hold onto it. Feel it dissolve and disappear. Now feel the relief of not having to carry that burden anymore.

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Once you have finished your session:

1. Stop and rest your mind in that white healing light for as long as it feels comfortable – just let go into Chenrezig’s compassion.

2. That is your final meditation.

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I will let you decide how long each meditation session will last. In time, as you gain more practice, the session will naturally prolong in length. Keep it short to begin with.

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The most important thing is to fully understand:

1. What you are doing
2. Why you are doing it
3. Develop clarity in your visualization of Chenrezig
4. Let in the compassion of light and nectar and strongly feel it helping you.

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Without your permission, it has very little benefit. All this takes time. Be kind to yourself. It is most important that you finish the session with a very good dedication. That way you will accumulate a vast amount of merit very quickly.

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You can say something to the effect:

“Without reservation, I dedicate, from my heart, whatever little merit I have gained from doing this brief Chenrezig practice, for the benefit of all those who are suffering from anorexia wherever they are in the world. May they be free from confusion, doubt, and a sense of being lost.

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Whatever defects they perceive in themselves, may it be immediately washed from their eyes like a welcoming rain of hope, and from this moment on, may they always see themselves in the light of kindness and understanding. May all food be abundant and a welcoming medicinal nectar that heals the body of all people who yearn for joy and life. May all sentient beings be permanently free from suffering.

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I confess any mistakes I have unknowingly made during this practice and request your guidance not to do them in the future.”

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After this dedication, think that Buddha Chenrezig smiles and is pleased with your heartfelt words. At that point, he dissolves and returns to his abode.

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xxx, if you have any questions about what I have written, feel free to email me at any time.

Best wishes,
Robert

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As I consider the four noble truths, my understanding is that suffering stems from attachment. When we place judgment or desire on what we want, rather than accepting things as they are, it results in suffering. Colloquially I have heard people summarize this as "suffering = pain x resistance" In this framework, where is the boundary between acceptance and self-worth? I can see a pathway to meditating myself into infinite acceptance and compassion.

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However at some point you begin allowing other people to do you harm. Even repeatedly. If I then ask myself, "why do I care if I am harmed?" I could see a route to say, "that's my ego. Let go of that too." But at some point this acceptance, non-resistance, and non-ego comes into conflict with self-love and self-compassion. In the framework of the four noble truths do we really just allow people to do any harm to us, even killing?

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Do we really just stand by and allow people to do any harm to those we love? Thank you so much for your consideration.

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Background Information : My wife has struggled with addiction for the entire time we've been together (14 years). The addiction has included 10+ relapses, hitting me, having a drug-induced seizure in front of our son, and other fairly large catastrophes. She hid the addiction from me before we were married.

For the last year cocaine has had her in its grasp, leading to many lies, sexual indiscretions, and a general inability to parent. She sought residential treatment then relapsed again and is now returning to residential treatment. I am trying to figure out if I should meditate my way to acceptance and forgiveness despite the repeated harms, or if I need to take permanent actions to protect myself and my son from her. Thank you so much.

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Response from Bhante Dhammika

Dear xxx, I’ll just take up your second question because it’s a common objection and an important one. My understanding is this – a balanced and integrated spiritual practice does make one more detached/accepting but this is, or should be, integrated into another quality called loving-kindness (Metta).

When this quality partners with detachment one does not accept every situation smilingly, never raise one’s voice, never put their foot down, never stand up to anybody or for anybody. While most people try to observe normal, acceptable codes of behaviour, there are always a few who do not. In any group of people there will be one or two who have no compulsions about bullying others, putting them down or taking advantage of them.

A person with Mettā-imbubed detachment can ignore tactlessness, opportunism, rudeness, snide comments, queue jumping,and other little acts of everyday selfishness and thoughtlessness. They slip off him or her “like water off a lotus leaf”, causing no grumbling or annoyance and leaving no resentment. But such a person cannot countenance cruelty or rank injustice, either to themselves or when they see it being inflicted on others.

Averting one’s eyes in such circumstances, pretending not to see, saying “It’s none of my business” or just “keeping out of it” is not Metta.Such responses show a deficit of Metta. What one does in such situations will differ according to the individual’s powers and abilities and to the circumstances. However, it is possible to express disapproval of someone, to correct them, disagree with them or reprimand them, without rancour or rudeness. It is possible to point out someone’s mistakes without spite or feeling superior. It is possible to distance ourselves from someone because of their repeated offensiveness, while always being ready to reconnect with them should they change. Having said this, I do acknowledge that the way Buddhism is sometimes taught there is too much emphasis on detachment and too little on other spiritual qualities, particularly Metta.

Kind regards, Bhante Dhammika

Another response from Bhante Jayasara

This is an extremely complicated situation with a variety of things to address.

Firstly I have to say that part of my response will be from my previous lay life, as someone who worked in Child Protective Services and worked with many parents who were dealing with drug and mental health issues.The other part will be from a Buddhist monk. Addiction is a powerful thing. I have witnessed the full power and force of a state government not be enough fora parent to change their ways before the state allowed the child to be adopted,striking forever the birth parents name off the birth certificate. I have also watched grandparents and partners enable the parents' addiction, giving them money or doing what they could to keep the person out of jail or getting into trouble.

Sometimes people really have to hit rock bottom for them to be shocked enough out of their system to want to change, but even then it is a very steep uphill battle. It is not a surprise you say your wife has had 10+relapses. Many people relapse and go in and out of residential homes for years, if not decades. In almost all cases for someone like your wife, there are two major issues. There is often unresolved trauma or unpleasant past experiences they avoid addressing.This is a very common human thing.

I suggest you read the Salla Sutta where the Buddha explains how because we know of no other way, when we have unpleasant experiences, we seek to drown them out with pleasant ones. That could be drugs,as in your wife’s case, food as in mine, sex, alcohol etc, The Dart (Sutta)

(The second major issue is that once you are hooked on the drug, you are dealing with both psychological and physiological factors that feed the addiction and keep it alive. Your family is in a very tough spot and I'm sure this is especially impactful on your son to see his mother go through this. Both your wife, and probably yourself and your children could use therapy and other interventions to help you work through all the complicated aspects of your situation. This can help you work through things and help you be a little more clear on whether you wish to remain in the relationship or not, how to help your children, etc. I don't think anyone can really make that decision for you. Now to focus on the more Dhamma related aspects. Many people have the misconception that the Buddha encourages us to be punching bags and allow people to walk all over us. This is not the case.

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In many places the Buddha himself stands up to his abuser and does not accept what they give to him. The famous simile of the gift is a good one to read - https://suttacentral.net/sn7.2/en/sujato?lang=en&layout=sidebyside&reference=none&notes=asterisk&highlight=false&script=latin

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A wise practitioner understands what they can do in a situation, and their limitations. "Acceptance" is a broad and loaded word that can mean different things to different teachers, hence where confusion can arise. The ultimate "acceptance" in Buddhism is not avoiding or trying to runaway from reality, not trying to force or mould reality to our wishes.

When you fully accept and understand the situation you are in, you can then act in mindful ways that are beneficial to yourself and others. Sometimes what is best for you may be to separate yourself from people,as Buddha tells us to not associate with foolish people, sometimes it's not as easy as just separation. Some people in the west today view compassion or empathy as an unalloyed good, but the Buddha and wise practitioners since understand that compassion and empathy without wisdom can lead to much harm,and has done so throughout history.

People think enabling someone is compassionate, but in the long run you are helping their destruction and harming them, regardless of your intentions. The Buddha in a sutta was asked by a King if he is ever hard on his disciples. And asks the king, who had his son on his lap what he would do if the son was choking on something. The king describes how he would use his finger to grab it out of his son's throat, even if it caused some harm. The Buddha said likewise, because I have compassion for them, sometimes I must be hard on my disciples for their own welfare. and I suppose one more example, ifI haven't given enough, from the Dhammapada : "Let one not neglect one’s own welfare for the sake of another, however great. Clearly understanding one’s own welfare, let one be intent upon the good."

As I stated before, no one can really tell you what is best for you in your situation, but I hope I've given you a more balanced view of the possibilities of skillful action. The most important thing is to act only after mindful reflection and consideration. You have the right to take care of yourself, and the responsibility to care for your children. Your wife is an adult and her own person, whose actions you have no responsibility and little control over. Life gives us hard choices, often with no clear answer you made the right one. We can only do the best we can and make the best choices we know how with our limited wisdom.

You are welcome to contact me again in the future if you would like to talk further.

Bhante Jayasara

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‍Response from Robert

Hi xxx, my name is Robert I will try to give you some feedback on your well thought out questions.

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Firstly - "Why be compassionate if suffering is inevitable?" This is a huge topic, put simply no one is obliged to be compassionate. Compassion comes from seeing our own suffering and then wishing to find a way out of that suffering, that is called renunciation.

As a Buddhist we follow the Buddha's teaching in order to find the way out of suffering initially for ourselves by following the Third Noble Truth which explains the cessation of suffering. So, the Buddha gives us practical advice and guidance as how we can see "inevitable"suffering, understand the origin of that suffering, i.e., how it starts,and then he kindly shows us how we can put an end to that suffering. It is at this point, when we can see that we can free ourselves of suffering, that we develop compassion towards others - we see how people suffer and don't understand why.

More seriously, it doesn't occur to people that they can find a way out of suffering, they have no guide, no mentor, no refuge, to show them how this can be done. Seeing what people have, i.e., suffering. and wishing that they didn't have it is the very definition of compassion.

Compassion is the wisdom that begins the process of eroding our self-cherishing mind which is the origin of all suffering (see the Second Noble Truth). Compassion gives hope, it makes us happy by making others happy, compassion is the antidote to all evil. Compassion is the catalyst that drives us on to free everyone who is suffering.

Secondly - "Why try to attain nirvana or strive to become a Buddha when it is very unlikely I'll attain that in this life?"

The attainment of nirvana is in direct proportion to how powerful our renunciation and compassion is. The stronger we wish to be free from our own suffering and the stronger we wish to help others do the same, the quicker we progress on the path to enlightenment. Sadly, it's true that the majority of people won't achieve enlightenment in one lifetime, however by applying the Buddha dharma we begin to purify our negative karma - negative karma that will cause us to take rebirth in a much lower state of existence and suffering. By not doing anything, by way of purification and gaining merit, we guarantee ourselves of a lower rebirth where suffering is far worse than in our present situation. It is that fear/anxiety that brings about unmistaken renunciation. So, enlightenment happens along the path to enlightenment and not at some final destination called enlightenment. Thank you for your questions,feel free to ask as often as you need to. Don't forget to be kind to yourself!

Yours in the Buddhadharma, Robert

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In my garden I have hung up a nesting place for birds. A pair of Great Tit have nested there, laying 9 eggs. 5 have survived. 3 have left the nest, a fourth is unable to fly and the fifth is stuck in its nest, now uncared for. I believe that the fifth will starve to death and the fourth will fall victim to a predator. I understand that taking away the prey from a predator is unjust.

However, I believe that the fifth bird is suffering needlessly as it starves to death without falling victim to a predator. The thought of it dying and me not helping causes me much grief. I believe that knowing what is happening links me to this situation and I am unable, or rather unwilling, to remove myself. I would like to hear your opinion on this matter.

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Background Information : I’m not a practicing Buddhist. I believe that I understand some of the basic concepts and I identify with them, but that is the extent of my knowledge.

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Response from Ayya Jitindriya

Dear xxx, Just a quick response from me... You could see if you have a wildlife rescue service in your area, they are often able to intervene and care for/help such creatures.

Kindest regards, Ayya Jitindriya

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‍Response from Ayya Jitindriya

...that which has no intrinsic self, of course! i.e.material form, feeling, perception, mental formations and the basis of sense experience/sense consciousness.

The Buddha spoke of the instigators of rebirth as 'ignorance', 'kamma',and 'craving' -- those conditions which perpetuate renewed becoming, and in the absence of which (or the dispelling of which), there is no more rebirth in samsara (the cycle of birth and death, of perpetual wandering and cyclic suffering).

With all good wishes for your on going enquiry into the mind, where both samsara and nibbana may be realised!

Ayya Jitindriya

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